Cold Music

Today is Ice Cream and Violins Day! Now, at first I thought this was two separate holidays, but as it would happen: It isn't. That made explaining the meaning of this holiday much harder. The celebration is still almost the same thanks to the 'and' between the two, but there is actually no solid explanation that I've found. Only theories. So... here is my theory.

Question: Ice cream is a cold treat, and is a summer favourite (as seen by all the ice cream holidays). So why would we celebrate it in December? A month notorious for it's lack of heat.

Answer: I do not know yet, so let's move on to violins.

Fact: Violins are known for being cued for either one of two things in musical scores made for the silver screen: sharks and sadness.

Other Fact: Ice cream has very little to do with sharks. However, dramatic characters that are sad turn to one of two foods to help ease their weepy pains: Chocolate or Ice Cream.

Less-than-Fact: Chocolate give a warming sensation that causes the eater to be just the slightest bit happier. While Ice cream does the same thing, it doesn't to it to the same extent, especially if it has no chocolate in it.

All of it Put Together: Violins can be said to be known for being a sad instrument, and Ice Cream can be a treat to eat while you are sad. So today must be a day to grab a pint (of ice cream, mind you), crank up the Tchaikovsky, and wallow! What're you waiting for? Get to it!

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

I Hereby Decree

Today is Start Your Own Country Day! Many people have mentioned that I've been in my own unique state for most of my life, so I guess I am overdue for an upgrade to my property. That makes today the perfect chance to do so! I hereby claim all land within 5 feet of where-ever I go to be my country. Now that may not be technically legal in most other countries, but luckily: it is in mine! Which is, in case you haven't heard, everywhere I go. The great thing about my country, though, is that it automatically assumes the laws of whatever country it is surrounded by. So for now, my country follows America's laws. It just makes the paperwork easier. Every good country needs a name, too. ... Actually every country needs a name regardless of whether it's good or not. Enough of that nonsense, my country is named... Kyleton? Wait that's a city sounding name. Let's go with Kylia. That's good. It rolls off the tongue. It also sounds like Hylia which I am totally all for.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle (King/Ambassador/Everyone of Kylia)

A Cult Classic

Today is Occult Day! The occult is something that deals with the supernatural or paranormal, and is usually cast in a none-too-positive light. I find it hi-ho-larious that the newest Twilight movie came out today, and that hi-ho-larious doesn't come up as a misspelled word. Probably due to the hyphens. I decided that the best way to celebrate... er... acknowledge today was to perform a little magic trick. And here it is. I can't say that it turned out too well for me. Let this be a lesson to all you kids. Don't mess with magic.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

A Hike In My Head

Today is Take a Hike Day! Now, there aren't many places near me that I would qualify as a genuine 'hike', as I always thought you need at least one good hill involved to no just be on a walk or a stroll. However, I did my best to find an at least somewhat bumpy path to hike on, and did! Being a complete dummy, I forgot to take any pictures or evidence whatsoever. However, since I was pretty much alone with my thoughts, I heard them quite clearly, and actually have a mental record of what I was thinking. So here is a brief look into what goes on in my head in the easiest way I could think of to do it. Script-form.

LOGIC (Pretty much the head honcho): Alright, guys, we've made it to the park. Quick check to see how everything is going. Everybody report.

DOC (Handles almost physical stuff): The stomachs still looking good thanks to the late breakfast, the neck's a little stiff from driving, though.

LOGIC: I'll have one of the interns tell the hands to get crackin' on that.

DOC: Great. The feet seem to be wondering why they aren't being covered up. The ground is still cold before noon.

LOGIC: Look, they kept complaining about shoes being too tight, so a vote was passed to forgo wearing shoes until the new ones came in the mail.

DOC: New ones have come. They're very comfy, if lacking in arch support.

LOGIC: Well, we'll have to call another meeting about that, then, he might have gotten used to going shoeless. Right now let's focus on the task at hand: Enjoying nature. EMOTICON, what's the feel out there?

EMOTICON (A robot built to process emotion (spoken in a robotic voice)): Everything looks very fresh and new with the morning dew on it. I especially like that tree that looks like a face. :) Otherwise, I'm not getting many clear observations yet.

LOGIC: Why not?

EMOTICON: It seems that the observation deck has not turned all it's systems on yet :/

LOGIC: What?

(LOGIC swivels his chair around to face SEPIA and RUSSET, who control the left and right eye respectively)

LOGIC: What's going on, you two?

SEPIA: We haven't had our coffee yet.

LOGIC: Kyle... doesn't drink coffee.

RUSSET: He doesn't, but we do. It's cliche of our character types.

LOGIC: ... Whatever. Drink some coffee then.

SEPIA: Aw, we can't imagine good coffee.

LOGIC: You've literally had a front seat to every coffee ever seen by Kyle. Do your best.

RUSSET: ...Fine

(Coffee appears and SEPIA & RUSSET drink it)

LOGIC: Alright. Anyone else have anything to report?

CHAOS (Nobody really knows what this guy does, but he's interesting, so they let him come to the meetings): Totally. Did you guys know that the Space Jam website is still up? The original one! I saw a tweet about it yesterday and thought I'd bring it up.

LOGIC: Thanks. That's great...

EMOTICON: The sunrise is so beautiful, guys.

LOGIC: It's 10:47...

EMOTICON. It was beautiful, though.

LOGIC: Good to hear. Log it into the memory files.

EMOTICONS: Well, we've seen better, to be honest.

LOGIC: Alright, well we'll just keep it on the table until it gets in the way, then.

ANXIETY (Tries to keep the brain free of clutter or duplicate ideas): Uuuuugh! The tables so full, though. Argh... I'll just throw out some character names from Chuck. He hasn't watched that show in a while.

LOGIC: I'm getting some readings of annoyance from the brain. Anyone know what the cause is?

ANXIETY: You're wel-

RUSSET (shouting across room): Yeah, there are some mosquitos out today. We're teaming up with the guys running the hands to care of it, but there's also gnats everywhere.

EMOTICON: Why do gnats always stay above the sidewalk?! >:(

LOGIC: It's fine, it's fine. We've got a good swatting method, and as long as we don't breath during the gnat clouds, we'll be fine.

SUBCONSCIOUS (Background guy): NO! I take care of breathing just fine! If you take over, he'll just hold his breath for fun again!

LOGIC: Calm down, you still have control of... is there a word for wanting to live?

SUBCONSCIOUS: You mean the thing I do when he holds his breath for too long and I make him start breathing before he passes out?

LOGIC: Yes. I don't think there's a word for that. Make a note to try to find one later.

ANXIETY: Ugh...

DOC: Oh I think I should mention that we do need to go to the bathroom.

LOGIC: It'll have to wait, he's still hiking.

DOC: Well, it's one of those times where I should have brought it up hours ago, but just found it on my desk and realized it was never taken care of.

LOGIC: (Heavy sigh) Alright, let's head back to the car.

END SCENE!

And that's how I think of my brain. There were actually a lot more subjects talked about between other people at the meeting, but I just gave you the really pertinent things.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

I Ramble In This Post

Today is Chaos Never Dies Day! Today is a day to recognize the fact that there will always be some small amount of chaos in your life. It sounds depressing, but believe me: it isn't. Here, let me try to explain.

Chaos is, by definition according to my dictionary, Disorder and Confusion. Now, both or those words have a fairly obvious negative connotation to them, but disorder actually means "a state of confusion". That makes Disorder somewhat of a subsection of Confusion's whole business. So let's just focus on why I'm trying to tell you that Confusion is good. Well... not 'good'... but it isn't inherently bad.

Confusion means "A lack of understanding". Now we're getting somewhere. Instead of defining Confusion by any other word that has negative connotation, we are defining it by it's lack of a word with good connotation: Understanding, which means (most pertinently) 'the power of abstract thought'.

"WHOA, Kyle. I thought Chaos was abstract thoughts and stuff like that!"

Well, you are both right and wrong. Chaos deals with abstract thoughts, but only in the way that a baby deals with it's own diaper. See, Understanding is the power of abstract thought, meaning that it is used to harness the potential of the thoughts by putting them into patterns that can be easily remembered and later turned into ideas. That way your brain doesn't have to find it's way down memory lane twice. You made a map! Chaos, being the lack of understanding, can have all the thoughts it wants, but even if thoughts correlate, a map may never be made between the two, thus making it harder to see how they ever related.

It's almost like how you may tie a string around your finger to remember to go grocery shopping. How many things does grocery shopping have in common with tying a string to your finger? Close to none. But you see that string and it reminds you that you had something to do. Instantly your brain goes through the "Things I Have To Do" File Cabinet it has until it remembers: "Grocery Shopping". Congratulations! You have re-travelled the road you subconsciously made when you connected those thoughts in the first place. In fact, thats such a common visual stimulus, that when I see a string on someone's finger, one of the first things I think is "They must be trying to remember something". Not all abstract bridges need stimuli, though. In fact, most of my own don't.

Now that I've said ALL that, here is why chaos isn't bad: It's needed to make anything interesting. If we had only Understanding, then there would be little need for studying or exploring. Chaos, in manageable amounts, is what pushes humans forward. It causes new ideas to be had due to the fact that everyone connects the abstract thoughts differently. It makes us want to learn more and gain more understanding. However, the more we discover, the more questions there are about these new, as of yet unconnected abstract thoughts created by the new discovery. That creates an endless amount of things to discover, which makes life worth exploring! Chaos and Understanding aren't at opposite ends of any spectrum, instead it's more of a ratio of what is and isn't understood. The reason that Chaos is usually shed in such a scary light is because we can quantify how much we understand, but we will never be able to measure what we don't. I personally, find that pretty exciting, though. It would be boring if we knew how much there was left to know. Would we even want to?

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Aw man... Almonds.

Today is National Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day! Now if there's one thing I hate about chocolate, it's nuts in it. As a double whammy, the only chocolate with almonds I can find that still qualifies as bittersweet chocolate also has coconut in it. I hate coconut. "It's not the taste, it's the texture" as I'm sure you've heard a bajillion times before. The reason is because my mother gave me some coconut flavoured medicine (good call mom) even though grape medicine is as nasty as the inners of an old man's ear, os one would assume a NON-fruit medicine would be a batrillion times worse. Coconut isn't a fruit, right? Maybe it is. It's on fruit ninja... so it must be I guess. Well, I'm not correcting myself. I'm doing this LIVE! Whatever I'm just rambling to avoid eating this Almond Joy. Here goes nothing. I'll update you on how it goes.

[UPDATE]
This is dag nasty. Gotta power through, though.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Saxophone Island

Today is Marooned Without a Compass Day! Being marooned is bad enough, but having no compass? Well... actually that's not all that bad if you have even the most basic survival skills. Plus, I found it nearly impossible to be without a compass today. My phone had a compass, so I just didn't use that app. Simple enough. However, every street sign, building, and several landmarks had compasses or some sort of directional instructions on them. I suppose that at this point in time, we've pretty much figure out the lay of the land as a species, so this holiday, while hard to celebrate, was celebrated to the best of my ability.

Today is also Saxophone Day! Today is in honor of the birthday of Adophe Sax, who invented the Saxophone. ... In case that wasn't apparent by his name. He made a whopping 8 different kinds of saxophones in his lifetime, as a matter of fact! This holiday was significantly easier to celebrate. There are many classic songs that incorporate quite a bit of sax, along with some really recent songs, too. For some reason, the sax has become a very popular choice for alternative rock bands lately. Not that I'm complaining. Sounds good. Sounds pretty dag good.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Remember, Remember.

Today is Gunpowder Day! Also known as Guy Fawkes Day, this is a holiday(?) celebrated(?) in England. I question whether or not I should call it a holiday or say that it is celebrated due to the confusing nature of the day. But I'll do my ignorant american best in explaining it to the internet. Just a real quick side-note before we get started, though. The movie "V for Vendetta" is very strongly related to today and if you go watch it right now, it'll make it easier to explain. So I'll wait for you to get back from doing that.

...

Alright, so just in case your powers of observation aren't as good as Evey's, that movie was fictional. Or very prophetic. Guess we'll find out. That doesn't matter much, though. If you payed attention to what historical facts there actually were in the movie, you're fairly in-the-know.

Guy Fawkes wasn't as much the brains behind the operation as V was in the movie, but instead the 'trigger-man' more or less. He was also the 'fall-man'. Oh right... I guess all of you might not have watched the movie. Well, in an american nutshell: King has laws that small group doesn't like, those guys start a somewhat underground rebellion, they are all caught, Guy Fawkes ends up taking the heaviest portion of the historical blame. Oh, and he's hanged, too.

England celebrates the fact that their plot (to blow up parliament) failed by making bonfires, setting off fireworks, and burning Guy Fawkes' effigy. Children make their own Guys out of pillowcases and whatnot and take them around saying "Penny for the Guy?" in hopes of getting money to buy their own fireworks to set off.

While I, being in America, realize that building a bonfire, setting off fireworks, and burning effigies by myself will get me put in jail no matter how into obscure holidays and European culture the judges in my local area are. Instead I settle for watching V for Vendetta and eating a candy Bo-Bomb with strawberry flavored gunpowder in it.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Do You Want To Wait Forever?

Today is Waiting For The Barbarians Day! Today's holiday is related to (according to the internet), the book by J.M. Coetzee titled, oddly enough: Waiting for the Barbarians. Having never read this book or even heard about it before, and also having believed that anything with the word 'barbarian' in it is very unlikely to have anything to do with any kind of written literature; I was sorely unprepared for today. I also am sorely afraid I used that semicolon incorrectly. The basic gist of the story is: People living fairly peacefully, new government people come and claim ensuing barbarian attack, government people go out of their way to find and torture/kill barbarians, people end up evacuating the city out of fear of the barbarians, and finally: (SPOILER ALERT! SCROLL DOWN TO NOT SPOIL BOOK!) The barbarians never come because they never were going to, and the town is unprepared for winter.

I can't REALLY see how that can translate into a celebration I could easily pull off without creating my own society and then hoping my government becomes corrupt enough to try such a tactic. What I CAN do is watch Conan the Barbarian. So... Barbarian HOOOOOOOO! ... Conan didn't have a catchphrase for me to yell.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Wives & Sandwiches

Today is a pretty hilarious combo of days, if I do say so myself. It's right up there with the "Sock" days from May. No doubt many of you will crack some jokes at today's coincidental (?) celebration combination. I count myself in that number of people as well.

Today's first holiday is Housewives' Day! A holiday created to acknowledge and celebrate all the hard work that a wife does to make a house into a home. What better way to acknowledge all that work by taking it on yourself to do it instead? Although, you might do it wrong and she'll just have to fix it later, I'm sure the gesture will be appreciated. I mean it seems pretty easy when you do it, but you don't realize that they also do it every day! And the kid isn't as easy to deal with as you'd think when you're with them all day! And boy oh boy does hilarity ensue when you forget your daughter at ballet practice. At least that's what sitcoms paint this picture to be like. (Author's note: I'm not married)

Today is also Sandwich Day! Sandwiches are the best thing since sliced bread. In fact, without sliced bread, there wouldn't be such a thing. Luckily for humans, we have someone to thank: John Montagu, the Fourth Earl of Sandwich. While the concept belongs to him, the inventor was his servant, who was told to put meat between bread and deliver it to him while he was gambling. That way, he had one hand to hold his meal in, and one hand to hold his hand in. He also did other things in his time as the Earl, but... I mean you really can't beat coming up with the idea for sandwich.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Sans Claws

Today is Hermit Day! When I think "Hermit", I immediately think "crabs". No, not because I think all hermits are diseased. It's because of Hermit Crabs. Because of this connection in my brain, I start thinking about the beach, and by the time someone says "No, just a hermit. Like a really reclusive kind of person." I can think of nothing but sandy places, so most hermits are visualized as beach dwellers by my mind's eye. Which doesn't make sense, really, since beaches are usually very populated. So the logical portion of my mind takes over and puts him (hermits are always male in my mind) on a small island near a crowded beach, but not close enough to really be a part of the crowd at all. It has to be near the beach because if it's just an island in the middle of nowhere, he isn't a hermit. He's just stranded.

My weird thought processes aside, you can celebrate today by being reclusive! This is actually something I excel at. Being a phlegmatic, I can handle hours and hours of being alone. I have an interesting mind with odd thought patterns to entertain myself with. As you should very well know by now.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Chocolate Plush

Today is Plush Animal Lover's Day! Pretty simple. Today is a day to love on your favorite plush animal. almost everyone I know has some kind of plush animal or toy. They can usually be seen on or near their bed, so thats a good place to start looking if you have misplaced yours. Or if it went on an adventure of it's own free will. They tend to do that, you know.

Today is also Chocolate Day! Ah, a chocolate oriented day once again. As full of these food holidays as I can get, I always have room for another chocolate day. In fact, they are the only holidays that I have marked on a real-life, no-joking, honest-to-goodness, PAPER calendar. Take some time out of your day to enjoy some chocolate. Or if you're like me, you'll have to set aside some of your time to enjoy some of the day in the middle of all your chocolate consumption.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Every Day of Elementary

Today is National Bologna Day! Not 'baloney'. 'Bologna'. There IS a difference. One is meat, and one is just a bunch of talk. Today is about the meat one! You don't even WANT to know how many times I ate bologna in my life. It was pretty much a staple of my dietary menu up until the time when I was tall enough to reach all the shelves in the pantry, and smart enough to make my own healthy meal. Well... at least smart enough to not be seen when I made unhealthy meals.

Bologna is one of the most widely-used sandwich meats, believe it or not. But why not? It's made of beef, pork, and etcetera! Not to mention how easy it is to make a sandwich out of. Bread+bologna+mustard+bread = Done! So go and enjoy yourself some bologna today!

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

I Made You Avocado

Today is National Mole Day! No, it's not for the animal. It's not for that weird thing growing on your back, either. It's based off of Avogadro's Number. You may remember Avogadro's Number from high school chemistry as being (6.02 x 10^23), or you may be more like me: simply remembering his name vaguely because it sounds like 'Avocado' and that was more entertaining to you at the time.

Well, the number is used as a unit to measure the atomic mass of a molecule. The actual would look like this: 602,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. Or you could say 'Six hundred and two sextillion". Frankly neither is very efficient, which is why there's a shorthand for writing such large numbers, and why every scientist should rename every important number after a notable figure. How much easier is it to say 'Avogadro's Number'?

It's celebrated today because of the 10^23 (It's like 10/23). Celebrate today by finding the atomic mass of all the molecules in an avocado. That seems fitting.

Thanks for reading!

~Kyle

Aw Nuts

Today is National Nut Day! Today is a day to simply enjoy, consume, and appreciate nuts. Not necessarily in that order. There are a lot of nuts out there for you to try, from chestnuts to red bopple nuts. Although bopple nuts aren't usually eaten... they CAN be. They're related to the macadamia for what that's worth. It's usually just an ornament, though. Whatever you do, don't you even THINK about letting peanuts in on this holiday. They're legumes. They just pretend to be nuts. ... posers.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Babbwing Bwog

Today is Babbling Day! I originally saw today and thought that it was basically the same as 'rambling', but unfortunately for me (fortunately for you), it isn't. Babbling is the kind of talking that babies do, which some would argue is none at all. They just make coos and gurgles. So, I've devised several ways to celebrate today.

Celebration Method #1

Find a baby (preferably one with parents you have met at least once before), and talk to it. Try to decipher what it's trying to say. This method obviously increases in difficulty as the babies you are talking with get younger. ...Er... the babies shouldn't be getting younger unless you know the Button family. I'll just trust you know what I meant.

Celebration Method #2


You could find your very closet friend and talk to them all day using only noises. They don't have to be loud or obtrusive noises. Most good friends can read so deep into the meaning of even an eye twitch, that making a noise is almost like spelling it out for them.

Celebration Method #3


Talk to everyone as if they were a baby. This could be the riskiest method, as not only would you weird everyone out, you would also offend the vast majority of them. Most people don't take kindly to being talked to in baby-talk. For some reason it makes them feel like their being talk down to? But I'm not. I just tink deir sho precioush twying so hawd to figuwe out deir wittle pwoblwms!


Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Spirited Day

Today is National Brandied Fruit Day! Brandied fruit is a mainly European treat for the autumnal and winter..al holidays. It's fruit kept in brandy for around 3 weeks, giving time for the fruit to absorb the brandy and take on it's flavor. The nice lady at the store told me that brandy is sweeter, and would thusly make a good addition to fruit. However, they also had no brandied fruit, because it's mainly used for holidays such as christmas. So instead, I bought some "Spirited Peaches", which were in an almond liquor. I chopped them up finely... TOO finely, actually. It turned into somewhat of a jam rather than actual peaches. Unhindered by my mistakes, I bravely carried on and put them in crispy, little sweetbread cups and topped it with crumbled almond cinnamon cookies. Turned out pretty good, although I do think it would have been better had I not obliterated the peaches as much as I did. Probably shouldn't have used a food processor, but... live and learn.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

No Scruffy Stuff

Today is No Beard Day! That's right, if you have even the slightest of beards, today is the day to stop having it. Maybe all you have is 5 o'clock shadow, or maybe you've completely forgotten what your chin even looked like. Regardless of the situation, today is the day to shave it all off. Now, some might say that sideburns and moustaches don't count. So for all of our convenience, I've found a simple beard recognition tutorial video for us all to watch.

Hopefully everything is all cleared up now.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Good Gaudy!

Today is Wear Something Gaudy Day! For those of you as unchangeably intertwined with all things nostalgic as I am, you may recall that the character Larry Dallas from Three's Company invented this holiday. I tried to research which episode it was (re-watching the episodes would take more than a day), but I couldn't find it! Not even a clip! Well, at least the title of the day spells out what to do. Find something gaudy in your closet and wear it today. If you already wear gaudy things (The first step is admitting it), wear even MORE!

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Quotidian, Festive Occasions: Chronicled

Today is Dictionary Day! This day is tribute to Noah Webster, who is considered to be the Father of the American Dictionary. Allot time from your itinerary and dedicate it to ameliorate your vocabulary. Be careful, though, or you might end up with a sentence that doesn't sound quite right (like the one before this one). Sure, you can use big fancy words, but does the sentence really flow? Simply knowing the meaning of a word doesn't grant you the ability to use it wherever it replaces a shorter word with the same meaning. Spend time learning the history behind a word, and you may find that it's application in the language is actually quite specific. Today's challenge is to add at least one word into your vocabulary that you can use often. My word of choice is: Growlery. It's a word that Charles Dickens apparently coined for a place that one goes when in an ill temper. So it will be a useful word to use whenever I have the mulligrubs.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle