Ransom

"It says: 'If you want your children to be safe, call 985-655-2500 now!'" Bryce let his eyes linger on the paper for a few moments before looking confusedly at Sarah.

Sarah stood with eyes wide open and mouth agape "It's a ransom note?!"

Bryce caught onto the fear quickly. Unsure of whether to keep holding the note or toss it to the ground, he spoke frantically. "I- I don't know! It's so neat!"

"It's neat? You think it's neat?"

"No, I mean... not neat like 'Oh, cool!' I mean it's... it's typed up."

Sarah hesitated for a moment trying to understand what Bryce meant, giving him a look that questioned his sanity. Bryce spoke up again in his own defense. "Y'know, like, usually these things are made of magazine clippings and all wrinkly."

"Wha- usually?! How many ransom notes do you see on a daily basis?"

"You know, like ones in movies."

"Bryce! This is real life! This is a real ransom note! Obviously they aren't going to be as flashy as Hollywood!"

"Well, they had enough time to place a little picture of a crying girl on here. And look, even the crime watch signal is in the corner. What kind of weirdo does that? Is it like... his signature?"

"Bryce! Focus! There's something very wrong about this. Don't you get it?"

"Well, I guess it's just weird that it was on our car, since we don't have... a kid..."

"Right! So obviously it was meant for someone else!"

"Oh. Oh. ... OH! And if they didn't put it on their car, they don't know what number to call!"

Sarah was more frantic than ever, now that her fears had been confirmed by Bryce reaching the same conclusion she had. "Oh no, oh no, oh no, ohno-ohno-ohno!"

"No, no, no, calm down I'll just put it on the car... next to us." His last words deflated as he took notice of the cars that took the two spaces on either side of them. "I knew I should have taken the space at the end instead of one over! Then we'd know for sure who's car it belonged to. But no, you said to park one over so someone else could take the spot, that way no kids would hit the car with baseballs."

"Don't you dare blame this on me, Bryce! Someone's child is in trouble! We have bigger problems! Look, this is easy, all we do is call the police and let them know." Sarah pulled out her phone and began unlocking it before Bryce ripped it out of her hand in a swift movement.

"No, Sarah! What are you thinking?! If you call the police, who knows what they'll do to the kid? Then it'll be all our fault that the kid gets hurt!"

Sarah breaths in sharply and clasps her hands over her mouth. "You're right! You're so right. I'm sorry!"

"It's fine, don't worry, no damage done. What I think our only option is... is calling the number on the note. We'll tell them they made a mistake, then... we'll be off the hook."

"What?! First of all, I can't believe you would just do that and walk away without actually trying to help. Second of all, how is that idea any better? People don't just randomly steal kids for ransom, they only do that for families they know have money. Then, they scout them and make sure they know the family routines. So if they've done that, they'll know the parent's voices! What if they think they hired us as private detectives and we end up just making them have to pay more in the end, and get ourselves in danger?"

"Wha? And you said I was thinking too 'Hollywood'? Well, if that's not a good idea, then what is? We have to do something! We can't just drop the note on the ground and walk away like we never saw anything! It's our duty as good citizens to alert some kind of authority, or make someone else aware of this!"

Their raised voices battled back and forth for about a minute before a young looking man in business casual dress came from behind the tree line holding a large stack of crumpled papers. While the fight disconcerted him, he didn't see any reason to get involved, and put one of the small papers under the windshield wiper of the car next to theirs. Sarah noticed this happening behind Bryce, and watched as the young man continued doing the same for each of the cars in the row aside from their's and the one car separating them from the edge. Sarah walked over to one of the cars and pulled the paper out, and saw it was the same paper that had been in theirs. She took the paper from the next car down as well, and this time the young man took notice. "Hey! What are you doing with those!"

Sarah, still filled with emotion, but now very confused, shouted at the man. "What are these?!"

He responded a bit fearfully, but trying to maintain a business-like composure. "Flyers. I'm... just putting them on cars to raise awareness."

Bryce cut into the conversation "Awareness for what?"

"A start-up alarm system business I just got hired at. I'm going around town putting flyers in cars."

Bryce looked at the paper from his own car, not seeing a business name. "What business? There's no name on here!"

The young man flipped a paper from his stack, and scanned over it as his face turned a bright shade of red. "Oh, no... Oh, man, I'm gonna get so chewed out! Today stinks, man. First this whole stack gets blown away and I spend like ten minutes picking it all up, then this? I'm gonna have to reprint all of these!" He then went and took each of the flyers he had already put in cars and put them back into his disheveled stack.

Bryce and Sarah stood in silence watching this happen until he took out a key and entered the car that was acting as the buffer between theirs and the edge of the lot, tossing the stack into the back of the car and all but peeling out of the parking lot with a face as red as a tomato. They watched the car disappear as their heart rates slowed to a steady pace again. They both glanced at the incomplete flyer in Bryce's hand, then at each other with expressions unsure of whether or not they were willing to admit to what just happened. 

Bryce slowly opened his mouth to speak, but not knowing what to say, just tightened his lips and shook his head as if to shake off the confusion and disbelief, instead unlocking their car, and letting Sarah in. He closed her door, then walked around to his side and stepped in as well, handing her the flyer as he started the car. He began driving to the coffee shop they had initially planned to visit after their walk, and after a moment of looking at the flyer, Sarah began laughing heartily at what had just transpired, and Bryce soon joined in with her. They enjoyed the rest of the day, knowing that day was not one they would soon forget.

Prompt #6: "Write a story that begins with a ransom note"

It's a Nice Day.

Prompt #5: "You are an Astronaut. Describe your perfect day."

My favorite day is... actually a little corny, I guess you could say. Most people would think it's the day you get chosen for the mission, or the day you landed on the moon, or even the days it takes to go to and from. Honestly, though, I think my perfect day would have to be the day we landed back on Earth.

I mean, there's definitely something amazing about launch day. All that training that goes into that moment makes the payoff a little sweeter, and you can just feel the power in the rocket lifting you into the air. It's not enough to prepare you for what's next, though. There's this... surreal feeling as you exit the atmosphere that's almost like... leaving reality. It's the first time that you truly see the entire world in a new perspective. Then, of course, there's the obvious change of gravity. Everything is so much lighter, so weightless. You are so far away from everything you've known, that even life's stresses lose their weight. Then, being on the moon is just incredible, of course. It's such an alien landscape. Something that seems so familiar at home is this... completely different thing once you are up there. It's beautiful, but dangerous, which only lends to it's beauty, I think.

But, coming back, which is a three day trip, by the way. That's a trip unlike anything else. The last day, the arrival, is more surreal than the trip out. I remember the last hours so vividly. It was a blue canvas with splashes of green and strokes of white at first. As we got closer, though, more colors appeared. Soon, we could see yellows and reds in the deserts, then the bright outline of shores. Then we could differentiate different blues in the waters. Visually, it was like watching the world paint itself back into the pictures that we could all recognize. Physically, as we entered the atmosphere, it shook us back to reality. We were back in the familiar pull of our home's once inescapable gravity. The occasional turbulence of different pieces of our vehicle being released as our own weight came back to us. Then the parachute comes out, and we begin the slow decent. Enough time to think about everything we've done. It's hardly believable, though. Looking up at the sky and thinking 'Were we really just out there? For so long?' Not long ago, it was only being dreamed of, and that's what it seemed like. A dream.

But my favorite part of that day, bar none was after all of that. After we were picked up, and taken back, we did what we had been waiting to do for a long while. Meeting our friends and family again. Not to tell them about all the things we've seen, although we did, of course. I can't speak for my fellow travelers, of course, but my reasons were a little selfish. When I had that moment, the one where you see family after a long break, it felt the same as launch day. Seeing the smiles they had, and hugging loved ones. It all felt weightless, like all worries and troubles had been left floating somewhere far away once again. That was my favorite day.

Right Off Memory Lane

Welcome back, readers! It took me longer than I thought it would to get used to drawing electronically, so this post has been a little delayed. But now I'm here, you're here, and we are all set to get this thing started. So let's get this thing started. As promised, I will be guiding you through my mind, so I think it's important that you first know what my mind looks like. So here is some clip art of a brain!

Now, I know that you might have been expecting some grand masterpiece of art by yours truly, but hopefully you'll learn to lower those expectations soon. That said, let's zoom in to the part we'll be look at today: The memory center. Which is right here-ish:

Zoom in a little.

Enhance.

Hmmm... What is that? Do some totally unrealistic cop drama enhancing.

Oh my goodness! It's the best theatre in my mind! I can't believe I had almost forgotten about it. This is the place to go for any citizen of my mind who wants, needs, or is forced to look through anything and everything that I have ever experienced in the past. It only has one screen, but with my patented UnrealD Glasses, that screen will show you the memory that you wanted to see while simultaneously projecting different memories to any number of audience members that may also be in the theatre with you. If you go in without any specific memory in mind, you'll receive a random one! Come on, let's give it a try.

Oh... Well. I DID say it would be random. Seems like a blast from the past. As you can see, the audience of this theatre is very opinionated, and will sometimes discuss memories as they watch them. That sort of thing is usually frowned upon in real life, but since all the audience members (along with every citizen in my mind) are personifications of aspects of myself divided into almost infinitesimally portioned archetypes. That's a topic for another post, though. The point is, they are all basically me, and I like my opinions, so they have no problem with sharing them or listening to them. However, like every theatre, there is a more sacred and everlasting area where they make their opinion more permanently known.

Here is where the people communicate most somewhat effectively. Every citizen is required to have an imaginary sharpie (imaginarpie) on them at all times just in case they need to correct or add to any statement written anywhere. Sure, it leads to some pretty messy paperwork now and then, but this is one of the places the law really proves it's worth. Just look at this monument to public opinionatedness. Look at it!

Well, that's about all of the theatre that I have time to show you today. I'll show you to another area of this thriving community some other time! Until then, remember to take some time out of your day to think of something different. It'll keep you sane.

Thanks for reading!

~Kyle

But Don't Call it A Comeback!

It seems that after an entire year of posting to this blog daily, I've gone through a withdrawal of sorts. I have become far too used to sharing at least one stray thought with the anonymous masses of the internet. Now, however, there is a freedom in what I write about.

No longer am I constrained to the world of holidays. The mere fact that "Today is" weren't the first two words of this post have already made my mind joyously black-flip due to it's inability to even comprehend the freedom that comes fact that it is now able to release whatever it wants into this now un-fenced field of green, dewy grass just waiting to be stomped around in by the big, rubbery boots filled to overflowing by the unpredictably intermittent torrents of ideas rained down from the stormy clouds above until the grass is pushed down neatly into galosh-shaped prints and churned into new, fertilized soil in which new blades of sweet, green knowledge can grow.

YEAH! I didn't even bother to keep track of what was a metaphor for what in that long spiel, but I don't care because I wrote it out of WANT. I WANT to write about random things. Don't get me wrong, the holidays were fun, but now... Oh-ho-ho-ho NOW... Now you are ready.

Had I unleashed the unaltered, unabridged whirlwind of stupid that grows as slowly and surely in my mind as do stalactites in a cave, you would probably have not read ANY of it, and I wouldn't blame you. But thanks to my cunning ruse, you have been slowly given little hints of my personality. Sips of an all-too-strong blend that has, does, and will come off as a very haughty, rich, bitter drink. But thanks to those little sample cups, you now know how you like it. Maybe you can handle it, and you think "Hey I could take this daily and be just peachy." Or maybe you can't drink it straight, so you have to have to mix cream and sugar in it, so you only read one out of every few posts. That is fine by me!

All I know is that this is now officially mine. I have passed my self-imposed, and admittedly self-graded test of commitment. Now is the time for me to make this blog what it was always meant to be! A journey into my own mind and life! You who choose to read these posts as they are written will be able to experience this along with me, as honestly I have only vaguely mapped my inner machinations, and I think it only fair to warn you: Things are about to get weird.

As Always,

Thanks for reading!

~Kyle

Uninspired

Today is Unlucky Day! Wow! What a day to end on. After all the fun and food, the calendar slaps a downer day right in my face as if to say "Haha! Fooled ya! It was all a long rise leading to an anti-climactic anti-celebration"

Or maybe what makes this day unlucky is the fact that it is the last day. All the holidays are over and celebrated, and this is the last day I get to write to all you lovely people and tell you what to do today. I'll miss it. You might. The Internet as a whole... Well that'll pretty much stay the same.

Of course, it doesn't lessen the memories that I've made while visiting museums, trying weird food, and learning about customs from other places around the world. This'll be a year I won't soon forget, if only by the holiday memories' merits alone.

The Unluckiest thing that happened to me, and still IS happening, is that I can't think of something new and fun to keep my mind busy. If I don't find something to keep myself distracted and experiencing new things, I might accidentally do something weird and crazy. Like... write a book. Or something. That's what wild and crazy people do, right? ARGH! The clock is ticking! I have to go think of something fast!

Here's hoping your year was just as filled with fun, and that your next brings even more new things into your life. Have a good one, folks!

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Cold Music

Today is Ice Cream and Violins Day! Now, at first I thought this was two separate holidays, but as it would happen: It isn't. That made explaining the meaning of this holiday much harder. The celebration is still almost the same thanks to the 'and' between the two, but there is actually no solid explanation that I've found. Only theories. So... here is my theory.

Question: Ice cream is a cold treat, and is a summer favourite (as seen by all the ice cream holidays). So why would we celebrate it in December? A month notorious for it's lack of heat.

Answer: I do not know yet, so let's move on to violins.

Fact: Violins are known for being cued for either one of two things in musical scores made for the silver screen: sharks and sadness.

Other Fact: Ice cream has very little to do with sharks. However, dramatic characters that are sad turn to one of two foods to help ease their weepy pains: Chocolate or Ice Cream.

Less-than-Fact: Chocolate give a warming sensation that causes the eater to be just the slightest bit happier. While Ice cream does the same thing, it doesn't to it to the same extent, especially if it has no chocolate in it.

All of it Put Together: Violins can be said to be known for being a sad instrument, and Ice Cream can be a treat to eat while you are sad. So today must be a day to grab a pint (of ice cream, mind you), crank up the Tchaikovsky, and wallow! What're you waiting for? Get to it!

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

I Hereby Decree

Today is Start Your Own Country Day! Many people have mentioned that I've been in my own unique state for most of my life, so I guess I am overdue for an upgrade to my property. That makes today the perfect chance to do so! I hereby claim all land within 5 feet of where-ever I go to be my country. Now that may not be technically legal in most other countries, but luckily: it is in mine! Which is, in case you haven't heard, everywhere I go. The great thing about my country, though, is that it automatically assumes the laws of whatever country it is surrounded by. So for now, my country follows America's laws. It just makes the paperwork easier. Every good country needs a name, too. ... Actually every country needs a name regardless of whether it's good or not. Enough of that nonsense, my country is named... Kyleton? Wait that's a city sounding name. Let's go with Kylia. That's good. It rolls off the tongue. It also sounds like Hylia which I am totally all for.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle (King/Ambassador/Everyone of Kylia)

A Cult Classic

Today is Occult Day! The occult is something that deals with the supernatural or paranormal, and is usually cast in a none-too-positive light. I find it hi-ho-larious that the newest Twilight movie came out today, and that hi-ho-larious doesn't come up as a misspelled word. Probably due to the hyphens. I decided that the best way to celebrate... er... acknowledge today was to perform a little magic trick. And here it is. I can't say that it turned out too well for me. Let this be a lesson to all you kids. Don't mess with magic.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

A Hike In My Head

Today is Take a Hike Day! Now, there aren't many places near me that I would qualify as a genuine 'hike', as I always thought you need at least one good hill involved to no just be on a walk or a stroll. However, I did my best to find an at least somewhat bumpy path to hike on, and did! Being a complete dummy, I forgot to take any pictures or evidence whatsoever. However, since I was pretty much alone with my thoughts, I heard them quite clearly, and actually have a mental record of what I was thinking. So here is a brief look into what goes on in my head in the easiest way I could think of to do it. Script-form.

LOGIC (Pretty much the head honcho): Alright, guys, we've made it to the park. Quick check to see how everything is going. Everybody report.

DOC (Handles almost physical stuff): The stomachs still looking good thanks to the late breakfast, the neck's a little stiff from driving, though.

LOGIC: I'll have one of the interns tell the hands to get crackin' on that.

DOC: Great. The feet seem to be wondering why they aren't being covered up. The ground is still cold before noon.

LOGIC: Look, they kept complaining about shoes being too tight, so a vote was passed to forgo wearing shoes until the new ones came in the mail.

DOC: New ones have come. They're very comfy, if lacking in arch support.

LOGIC: Well, we'll have to call another meeting about that, then, he might have gotten used to going shoeless. Right now let's focus on the task at hand: Enjoying nature. EMOTICON, what's the feel out there?

EMOTICON (A robot built to process emotion (spoken in a robotic voice)): Everything looks very fresh and new with the morning dew on it. I especially like that tree that looks like a face. :) Otherwise, I'm not getting many clear observations yet.

LOGIC: Why not?

EMOTICON: It seems that the observation deck has not turned all it's systems on yet :/

LOGIC: What?

(LOGIC swivels his chair around to face SEPIA and RUSSET, who control the left and right eye respectively)

LOGIC: What's going on, you two?

SEPIA: We haven't had our coffee yet.

LOGIC: Kyle... doesn't drink coffee.

RUSSET: He doesn't, but we do. It's cliche of our character types.

LOGIC: ... Whatever. Drink some coffee then.

SEPIA: Aw, we can't imagine good coffee.

LOGIC: You've literally had a front seat to every coffee ever seen by Kyle. Do your best.

RUSSET: ...Fine

(Coffee appears and SEPIA & RUSSET drink it)

LOGIC: Alright. Anyone else have anything to report?

CHAOS (Nobody really knows what this guy does, but he's interesting, so they let him come to the meetings): Totally. Did you guys know that the Space Jam website is still up? The original one! I saw a tweet about it yesterday and thought I'd bring it up.

LOGIC: Thanks. That's great...

EMOTICON: The sunrise is so beautiful, guys.

LOGIC: It's 10:47...

EMOTICON. It was beautiful, though.

LOGIC: Good to hear. Log it into the memory files.

EMOTICONS: Well, we've seen better, to be honest.

LOGIC: Alright, well we'll just keep it on the table until it gets in the way, then.

ANXIETY (Tries to keep the brain free of clutter or duplicate ideas): Uuuuugh! The tables so full, though. Argh... I'll just throw out some character names from Chuck. He hasn't watched that show in a while.

LOGIC: I'm getting some readings of annoyance from the brain. Anyone know what the cause is?

ANXIETY: You're wel-

RUSSET (shouting across room): Yeah, there are some mosquitos out today. We're teaming up with the guys running the hands to care of it, but there's also gnats everywhere.

EMOTICON: Why do gnats always stay above the sidewalk?! >:(

LOGIC: It's fine, it's fine. We've got a good swatting method, and as long as we don't breath during the gnat clouds, we'll be fine.

SUBCONSCIOUS (Background guy): NO! I take care of breathing just fine! If you take over, he'll just hold his breath for fun again!

LOGIC: Calm down, you still have control of... is there a word for wanting to live?

SUBCONSCIOUS: You mean the thing I do when he holds his breath for too long and I make him start breathing before he passes out?

LOGIC: Yes. I don't think there's a word for that. Make a note to try to find one later.

ANXIETY: Ugh...

DOC: Oh I think I should mention that we do need to go to the bathroom.

LOGIC: It'll have to wait, he's still hiking.

DOC: Well, it's one of those times where I should have brought it up hours ago, but just found it on my desk and realized it was never taken care of.

LOGIC: (Heavy sigh) Alright, let's head back to the car.

END SCENE!

And that's how I think of my brain. There were actually a lot more subjects talked about between other people at the meeting, but I just gave you the really pertinent things.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

I Ramble In This Post

Today is Chaos Never Dies Day! Today is a day to recognize the fact that there will always be some small amount of chaos in your life. It sounds depressing, but believe me: it isn't. Here, let me try to explain.

Chaos is, by definition according to my dictionary, Disorder and Confusion. Now, both or those words have a fairly obvious negative connotation to them, but disorder actually means "a state of confusion". That makes Disorder somewhat of a subsection of Confusion's whole business. So let's just focus on why I'm trying to tell you that Confusion is good. Well... not 'good'... but it isn't inherently bad.

Confusion means "A lack of understanding". Now we're getting somewhere. Instead of defining Confusion by any other word that has negative connotation, we are defining it by it's lack of a word with good connotation: Understanding, which means (most pertinently) 'the power of abstract thought'.

"WHOA, Kyle. I thought Chaos was abstract thoughts and stuff like that!"

Well, you are both right and wrong. Chaos deals with abstract thoughts, but only in the way that a baby deals with it's own diaper. See, Understanding is the power of abstract thought, meaning that it is used to harness the potential of the thoughts by putting them into patterns that can be easily remembered and later turned into ideas. That way your brain doesn't have to find it's way down memory lane twice. You made a map! Chaos, being the lack of understanding, can have all the thoughts it wants, but even if thoughts correlate, a map may never be made between the two, thus making it harder to see how they ever related.

It's almost like how you may tie a string around your finger to remember to go grocery shopping. How many things does grocery shopping have in common with tying a string to your finger? Close to none. But you see that string and it reminds you that you had something to do. Instantly your brain goes through the "Things I Have To Do" File Cabinet it has until it remembers: "Grocery Shopping". Congratulations! You have re-travelled the road you subconsciously made when you connected those thoughts in the first place. In fact, thats such a common visual stimulus, that when I see a string on someone's finger, one of the first things I think is "They must be trying to remember something". Not all abstract bridges need stimuli, though. In fact, most of my own don't.

Now that I've said ALL that, here is why chaos isn't bad: It's needed to make anything interesting. If we had only Understanding, then there would be little need for studying or exploring. Chaos, in manageable amounts, is what pushes humans forward. It causes new ideas to be had due to the fact that everyone connects the abstract thoughts differently. It makes us want to learn more and gain more understanding. However, the more we discover, the more questions there are about these new, as of yet unconnected abstract thoughts created by the new discovery. That creates an endless amount of things to discover, which makes life worth exploring! Chaos and Understanding aren't at opposite ends of any spectrum, instead it's more of a ratio of what is and isn't understood. The reason that Chaos is usually shed in such a scary light is because we can quantify how much we understand, but we will never be able to measure what we don't. I personally, find that pretty exciting, though. It would be boring if we knew how much there was left to know. Would we even want to?

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Aw man... Almonds.

Today is National Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day! Now if there's one thing I hate about chocolate, it's nuts in it. As a double whammy, the only chocolate with almonds I can find that still qualifies as bittersweet chocolate also has coconut in it. I hate coconut. "It's not the taste, it's the texture" as I'm sure you've heard a bajillion times before. The reason is because my mother gave me some coconut flavoured medicine (good call mom) even though grape medicine is as nasty as the inners of an old man's ear, os one would assume a NON-fruit medicine would be a batrillion times worse. Coconut isn't a fruit, right? Maybe it is. It's on fruit ninja... so it must be I guess. Well, I'm not correcting myself. I'm doing this LIVE! Whatever I'm just rambling to avoid eating this Almond Joy. Here goes nothing. I'll update you on how it goes.

[UPDATE]
This is dag nasty. Gotta power through, though.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Saxophone Island

Today is Marooned Without a Compass Day! Being marooned is bad enough, but having no compass? Well... actually that's not all that bad if you have even the most basic survival skills. Plus, I found it nearly impossible to be without a compass today. My phone had a compass, so I just didn't use that app. Simple enough. However, every street sign, building, and several landmarks had compasses or some sort of directional instructions on them. I suppose that at this point in time, we've pretty much figure out the lay of the land as a species, so this holiday, while hard to celebrate, was celebrated to the best of my ability.

Today is also Saxophone Day! Today is in honor of the birthday of Adophe Sax, who invented the Saxophone. ... In case that wasn't apparent by his name. He made a whopping 8 different kinds of saxophones in his lifetime, as a matter of fact! This holiday was significantly easier to celebrate. There are many classic songs that incorporate quite a bit of sax, along with some really recent songs, too. For some reason, the sax has become a very popular choice for alternative rock bands lately. Not that I'm complaining. Sounds good. Sounds pretty dag good.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Remember, Remember.

Today is Gunpowder Day! Also known as Guy Fawkes Day, this is a holiday(?) celebrated(?) in England. I question whether or not I should call it a holiday or say that it is celebrated due to the confusing nature of the day. But I'll do my ignorant american best in explaining it to the internet. Just a real quick side-note before we get started, though. The movie "V for Vendetta" is very strongly related to today and if you go watch it right now, it'll make it easier to explain. So I'll wait for you to get back from doing that.

...

Alright, so just in case your powers of observation aren't as good as Evey's, that movie was fictional. Or very prophetic. Guess we'll find out. That doesn't matter much, though. If you payed attention to what historical facts there actually were in the movie, you're fairly in-the-know.

Guy Fawkes wasn't as much the brains behind the operation as V was in the movie, but instead the 'trigger-man' more or less. He was also the 'fall-man'. Oh right... I guess all of you might not have watched the movie. Well, in an american nutshell: King has laws that small group doesn't like, those guys start a somewhat underground rebellion, they are all caught, Guy Fawkes ends up taking the heaviest portion of the historical blame. Oh, and he's hanged, too.

England celebrates the fact that their plot (to blow up parliament) failed by making bonfires, setting off fireworks, and burning Guy Fawkes' effigy. Children make their own Guys out of pillowcases and whatnot and take them around saying "Penny for the Guy?" in hopes of getting money to buy their own fireworks to set off.

While I, being in America, realize that building a bonfire, setting off fireworks, and burning effigies by myself will get me put in jail no matter how into obscure holidays and European culture the judges in my local area are. Instead I settle for watching V for Vendetta and eating a candy Bo-Bomb with strawberry flavored gunpowder in it.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Do You Want To Wait Forever?

Today is Waiting For The Barbarians Day! Today's holiday is related to (according to the internet), the book by J.M. Coetzee titled, oddly enough: Waiting for the Barbarians. Having never read this book or even heard about it before, and also having believed that anything with the word 'barbarian' in it is very unlikely to have anything to do with any kind of written literature; I was sorely unprepared for today. I also am sorely afraid I used that semicolon incorrectly. The basic gist of the story is: People living fairly peacefully, new government people come and claim ensuing barbarian attack, government people go out of their way to find and torture/kill barbarians, people end up evacuating the city out of fear of the barbarians, and finally: (SPOILER ALERT! SCROLL DOWN TO NOT SPOIL BOOK!) The barbarians never come because they never were going to, and the town is unprepared for winter.

I can't REALLY see how that can translate into a celebration I could easily pull off without creating my own society and then hoping my government becomes corrupt enough to try such a tactic. What I CAN do is watch Conan the Barbarian. So... Barbarian HOOOOOOOO! ... Conan didn't have a catchphrase for me to yell.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Wives & Sandwiches

Today is a pretty hilarious combo of days, if I do say so myself. It's right up there with the "Sock" days from May. No doubt many of you will crack some jokes at today's coincidental (?) celebration combination. I count myself in that number of people as well.

Today's first holiday is Housewives' Day! A holiday created to acknowledge and celebrate all the hard work that a wife does to make a house into a home. What better way to acknowledge all that work by taking it on yourself to do it instead? Although, you might do it wrong and she'll just have to fix it later, I'm sure the gesture will be appreciated. I mean it seems pretty easy when you do it, but you don't realize that they also do it every day! And the kid isn't as easy to deal with as you'd think when you're with them all day! And boy oh boy does hilarity ensue when you forget your daughter at ballet practice. At least that's what sitcoms paint this picture to be like. (Author's note: I'm not married)

Today is also Sandwich Day! Sandwiches are the best thing since sliced bread. In fact, without sliced bread, there wouldn't be such a thing. Luckily for humans, we have someone to thank: John Montagu, the Fourth Earl of Sandwich. While the concept belongs to him, the inventor was his servant, who was told to put meat between bread and deliver it to him while he was gambling. That way, he had one hand to hold his meal in, and one hand to hold his hand in. He also did other things in his time as the Earl, but... I mean you really can't beat coming up with the idea for sandwich.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Candy Lies

Today is Candy Corn Day! A lot of people get excited about candy corn for reasons unbeknownst to me. Candy corn takes the names of two delicious things that shouldn't be put together, and ruins them both as individuals and a team. Candy is good. Corn is good. Candy corn tastes like someone used the leftover wax from the previous year's fall candles, but took all the flavor out and replaced it with wet chalk. ... I'm not the biggest fan of candy corn. But, since it's a holiday, I will eat one. ONE piece of candy corn. Other than that, I'll TRY to have a good day.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Sans Claws

Today is Hermit Day! When I think "Hermit", I immediately think "crabs". No, not because I think all hermits are diseased. It's because of Hermit Crabs. Because of this connection in my brain, I start thinking about the beach, and by the time someone says "No, just a hermit. Like a really reclusive kind of person." I can think of nothing but sandy places, so most hermits are visualized as beach dwellers by my mind's eye. Which doesn't make sense, really, since beaches are usually very populated. So the logical portion of my mind takes over and puts him (hermits are always male in my mind) on a small island near a crowded beach, but not close enough to really be a part of the crowd at all. It has to be near the beach because if it's just an island in the middle of nowhere, he isn't a hermit. He's just stranded.

My weird thought processes aside, you can celebrate today by being reclusive! This is actually something I excel at. Being a phlegmatic, I can handle hours and hours of being alone. I have an interesting mind with odd thought patterns to entertain myself with. As you should very well know by now.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Chocolate Plush

Today is Plush Animal Lover's Day! Pretty simple. Today is a day to love on your favorite plush animal. almost everyone I know has some kind of plush animal or toy. They can usually be seen on or near their bed, so thats a good place to start looking if you have misplaced yours. Or if it went on an adventure of it's own free will. They tend to do that, you know.

Today is also Chocolate Day! Ah, a chocolate oriented day once again. As full of these food holidays as I can get, I always have room for another chocolate day. In fact, they are the only holidays that I have marked on a real-life, no-joking, honest-to-goodness, PAPER calendar. Take some time out of your day to enjoy some chocolate. Or if you're like me, you'll have to set aside some of your time to enjoy some of the day in the middle of all your chocolate consumption.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Every Day of Elementary

Today is National Bologna Day! Not 'baloney'. 'Bologna'. There IS a difference. One is meat, and one is just a bunch of talk. Today is about the meat one! You don't even WANT to know how many times I ate bologna in my life. It was pretty much a staple of my dietary menu up until the time when I was tall enough to reach all the shelves in the pantry, and smart enough to make my own healthy meal. Well... at least smart enough to not be seen when I made unhealthy meals.

Bologna is one of the most widely-used sandwich meats, believe it or not. But why not? It's made of beef, pork, and etcetera! Not to mention how easy it is to make a sandwich out of. Bread+bologna+mustard+bread = Done! So go and enjoy yourself some bologna today!

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

I Made You Avocado

Today is National Mole Day! No, it's not for the animal. It's not for that weird thing growing on your back, either. It's based off of Avogadro's Number. You may remember Avogadro's Number from high school chemistry as being (6.02 x 10^23), or you may be more like me: simply remembering his name vaguely because it sounds like 'Avocado' and that was more entertaining to you at the time.

Well, the number is used as a unit to measure the atomic mass of a molecule. The actual would look like this: 602,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. Or you could say 'Six hundred and two sextillion". Frankly neither is very efficient, which is why there's a shorthand for writing such large numbers, and why every scientist should rename every important number after a notable figure. How much easier is it to say 'Avogadro's Number'?

It's celebrated today because of the 10^23 (It's like 10/23). Celebrate today by finding the atomic mass of all the molecules in an avocado. That seems fitting.

Thanks for reading!

~Kyle