Butter Bends, Right?

Today is Bad Poetry Day! I've already graced you with some of my poetry in the past, and by all technical definitions, that was bad poetry. However by my high school english teacher's definitions, it was so purposefully self-satirical that it was nothing short of brilliance. Well... she said "Good Job! 100%", but you learn to translate those sorts of things.


Today, though, I have to make up some poetry that is both technically and artistically bad. It's hard to do, since in this modern world of modern thinking, anything horrible is at risk of being labelled 'modern' and then shoved into a museum for preservation. But, I'll give it the best I have.

Here is something awesomely awful,
So much so it shouldn't be lawful.
Some of these lines will be a crawful.
Like trying to eat too many falafels.


Some might think that to make a bad verse.
You don't rhyme, forget rhythm, or curse.
My opinion is quite the inverse.
You keep the rules, but makes them perverse.


Not like that, get your mind out of the gutter.
No, you keep the guidelines, but bend them like... butter?
Stretch them and skew them until they shutter.
Just enough to make readers insanely mutter.


When you've done that, you're job is done.
Blame is sought, but in you they'll find none.
You haven't broken a rule, no not one.
Just do us a favor and steer clear of puns.


Well, there ya go. That's about as horrible as I can be at poetry. It's hard to be all that bad when you enjoy poetry and know the rules. I broke quite a few, but... I mean I kinda still like it. If you can do worse, please do so and comment with your bad poem!


Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Advanced Walking Technique #12

Today is World Sauntering Day! Sauntering is an age old art that has been learnt by many beginning walkers, but only mastered by the most agile and confident among them. To "saunter" is to walk at leisure with no particular direction, aim, or destination. It is easy to try, but hard to master for the simple reason that in this modern age, we have some task needing accomplishment at all times.

Having walked for a good amount of my life, and having set time aside when I was young to practice the trade, I am at such a level where I may be able to pass on some basic sauntering maneuvers. I am not an expert, but I am by no means a novice.

I find the first thing that absolutely must be done in order to start a true saunter, is to clear your mind of the illusion of your need to accomplish anything. This can be hard to do, so I suggest you first study in the area of Realizing How Unimportant Things Are.

Once your mind is clear of that pesky to-do list and you have literally nothing to do aside from exist, take a few steps. Keep your body relaxed and let your arms sway however they do naturally. No need to have a brisk pace, but don't go too slowly, or else you will distract yourself by concentrating too much on where your feet currently are. While it is important to know where your feet are, you shouldn't be bogged down by it.

The next key thing to do is to disconnect your mind's conscious control of your legs, and to think of nothing of particular importance. Much like your heartbeat, breathing, or blinking, your natural walk follows a pattern. If you are old enough, your walking pattern has been subconsciously imprinted into your mind so deeply, that you can walk without thinking about it. This will be hard for beginners, due to your want to learn how to saunter, it may come up in your thoughts every now and then. Do not let it.

Once you've cleared your mind and set your walk to auto-pilot, let your thoughts drift. You'll know your sauntering by the look that others give you. It will be a look comprised of disbelief in the fact that you are indeed so calm, disgust in the fact that you flaunt your calm so publicly, and the slightest hint of jealousy over your obvious freedom.

Beginners Beware! It can be easy to become lost in a saunter if you do not set into your mind certain "alarms". Perhaps use your internal clock to know when you have sauntered for long enough, or saunter until an outer event such as your ringtone or a car horn stops your saunter. Sauntering for too long is dangerous to various versions of your health. (Physical, Mental, Social, Emotional, Financial). Saunter Safely!

 Below is a picture of me with my good friends in mid-stride of a synchronized saunter.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

A Wacky Quack

Today is Donald Duck Day! Donald Duck was and is one of my major role models growing up. As a child, I perceived him as a hilarious duck with anger management issues. However, looking at him now, he feels all emotions strongly. Whether it be his flipping out at Goofy and Mickey, or his severe blushing whenever Daisy gave him a smooch. An oft misunderstood duck due to his manner of speaking, it takes a while to really know what he is trying to say, which is probably why he displays his emotions in such an incredible outward way.

My dad used to copy Donald's voice to make me and my brothers laugh when we were little, and when we were older, he tried to teach us how to do it. I wouldn't say I'm in the high ranks of experts when it comes to speaking fluent Donaldian, but I can tackle the smaller phrases such as "I love you" or "Pass the salt" or really anything 3-7 words long. His ranting is by far the easiest to do as it is sometimes just whatever syllables he can manage to push through his fury.

Overall, though, Donald Duck is one of the most beloved and memorable characters in all of Disney history. Today is the anniversary of the first day he appeared on screen in 1934 (Also his birthday)! He certainly has aged very well, and to celebrate, you should watch some of Donald's greatest works (I'll leave it to you to decide which those are) or his original cartoon "The Wise Hen".

You could also try to learn how to speak like he does. I do it by pressing my tongue against the back-left of my bottom row of teeth and breathing out of that corner in order to get the "quack" sound. From there, you just move your lips and try to talk through it. It takes practice, but it's a worthwhile talent to have since you can practice at almost any time.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle