Buttarrrrscotch

Today be National Butterscotch Pudding Day! Ye may best know butterscotch as that tough little candy that yer grandma be handing ya right before she pinches yer cheeks as tight as a sail in a storm. There also be a fairrrrrly pop'lar puddin' with the same flavor! Once again, I turned to my most trusted merchant of pudding for this parrrrticular day. Jell-O. They always be making the best flavourrrs, and they always be as fine quality as a king's sheets. But don't take it from an old salt like me, try it yerself!

Today also be Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Thanks fer readin'!
~Captain Kyle

Po-ta-to!

Today is Potato Day! You can celebrate potatoes in a multitude of ways, as they are perhaps the most versatile vegetable on the market. You can make french fries, baked potatoes, mashed potatoes, boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew. I went with plain ol' french fries (or chips to my friends across the pond). I did, however go the american route and cover them in cheese, bacon, and ranch. I never had ranch on fries before, but I gotta say: My stomach hurts.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Mmm... Flitch...

Today is Flitch Day! Today is a day that was and quite possibly still is celebrated predominantly by the citizens of Dunmow. Today, married couples would go to a faux court to have a mock hearing about their marital status. If they could truthfully say that they had not harmed the other in any way for a year and one day, then they would be given a flitch. They had to do it in front of ALL the townsfolk, too, so you know that someone would have spoken up if it weren't true. Flitches aren't to be taken lightly, after all.

Hmm? What's that? Oh. What's a flitch? Oh, my poor, naive friend. A flitch is a side of bacon. Or to be more literal, it it a side of a pig that has been turned into bacon. Now before all my american pals get all "aaaaaaaw yeeeeeeeeah, booyyyyyy" about all this, keep in mind that most european countries called slices of ham 'bacon' back in the day. Some still do. Okay, a lot still do. But that doesn't mean it isn't still delicious. Here, take a look.

Plus, what an incentive to not beat each other up right? It makes me wonder if marriages don't work out as well as they do today because we don't have bacon as incentive to not be idiots to our significant others. Not that I would know. Having never been married and all that. ... I honestly hope that bacon doesn't play that great of a part in your relationships, though. Unless... you're a pig farmer or something... I dunno.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Advanced Walking Technique #12

Today is World Sauntering Day! Sauntering is an age old art that has been learnt by many beginning walkers, but only mastered by the most agile and confident among them. To "saunter" is to walk at leisure with no particular direction, aim, or destination. It is easy to try, but hard to master for the simple reason that in this modern age, we have some task needing accomplishment at all times.

Having walked for a good amount of my life, and having set time aside when I was young to practice the trade, I am at such a level where I may be able to pass on some basic sauntering maneuvers. I am not an expert, but I am by no means a novice.

I find the first thing that absolutely must be done in order to start a true saunter, is to clear your mind of the illusion of your need to accomplish anything. This can be hard to do, so I suggest you first study in the area of Realizing How Unimportant Things Are.

Once your mind is clear of that pesky to-do list and you have literally nothing to do aside from exist, take a few steps. Keep your body relaxed and let your arms sway however they do naturally. No need to have a brisk pace, but don't go too slowly, or else you will distract yourself by concentrating too much on where your feet currently are. While it is important to know where your feet are, you shouldn't be bogged down by it.

The next key thing to do is to disconnect your mind's conscious control of your legs, and to think of nothing of particular importance. Much like your heartbeat, breathing, or blinking, your natural walk follows a pattern. If you are old enough, your walking pattern has been subconsciously imprinted into your mind so deeply, that you can walk without thinking about it. This will be hard for beginners, due to your want to learn how to saunter, it may come up in your thoughts every now and then. Do not let it.

Once you've cleared your mind and set your walk to auto-pilot, let your thoughts drift. You'll know your sauntering by the look that others give you. It will be a look comprised of disbelief in the fact that you are indeed so calm, disgust in the fact that you flaunt your calm so publicly, and the slightest hint of jealousy over your obvious freedom.

Beginners Beware! It can be easy to become lost in a saunter if you do not set into your mind certain "alarms". Perhaps use your internal clock to know when you have sauntered for long enough, or saunter until an outer event such as your ringtone or a car horn stops your saunter. Sauntering for too long is dangerous to various versions of your health. (Physical, Mental, Social, Emotional, Financial). Saunter Safely!

 Below is a picture of me with my good friends in mid-stride of a synchronized saunter.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Rosie The Ribeter

Today is Frog Jumping Jubilee Day! Today is a celebration that is known for being held in Calaveras County. They have frogs compete to see who's frog can jump the best. The grand prize is $5,000 dollars, which in my opinion is well worth the months of trying to train a frog. However, with my not knowing where to find a frog around where I live (and my non-existent ability to train one), I fear I will be unable to participate in the competition! I can however, watch videos of past races or even just videos of frogs jumping. In slow motion. Like they have on discovery channel. I will also jump more often than I normally do today. That should about cover it, right?

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Vampire Awareness

Today is National Garlic Day! Today is a day to use garlic in and on everything you make and eat. Well, hopefully you eat it. That's the main use of garlic and if you let it just sit around, I imagine your house will begin to smell like the inside of an oven used to bake garlic bread and nothing else. This is pretty awesome timing for this holiday, as the AC in my house is broken and being fixed today. So obviously, the first thing I wanted when I woke up in my more-than-warm room was a nice warm slice of garlic bread. The warmth of the house should make the smell of the garlic travel quite nicely throughout the rooms. In all honesty, though, I do love garlic at the right time and with the right meal. It is one of my favourite flavours, although it does have the well known side-effect of slight halitosis, so you may want to have some mints on you if you plan to go to an italian restaurant today.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

A Fowl Day

Today is Poultry Day! It is a day to celebrate everything poultry. By celebrate, I of course mean: eat. I say that because when you say the word "poultry", there are two things people might think. The first being "Like Shakespearean stuff?", and the second (more accurate) one being "Like from a butcher shop?". That's because live birds are rarely called poultry until they are dead and hanging in the market. So poultry, being dead, has really next to no use as good and tasty as being eaten by us. So cook up anything from chicken to emu and eat it up.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Rich and Fresh

Today is Chocolate Mint Day! As all self-proclaimed chocolate connoisseurs will say, mint is one of the best additions to chocolate that has ever been created. It's right up there with peanut butter, real fruit (dipped), and more chocolate. There is a wide array of chocolaty mints and minty chocolates and all of them are being celebrated today. There are Andes Mints, which were among my first chocolate mint concoctions that I have ever eaten, along with the class mint chocolate chip ice cream, and mint chocolate cake. Literally any combination is fair game today. Eat as much of it as you want. On a diet? Not today, it's Chocolate Mint Day. There are even actual chocolate mint mints! I don't know if they do anything for your breath aside from making it smell like dessert, but they probably taste great and you'll eat them like candy because, let's face it, that's what they are. Even Extra Gum has a Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream flavoured gum. It's everywhere people. Easy and fun day to celebrate so let's get out there!

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle