Advanced Walking Technique #12

Today is World Sauntering Day! Sauntering is an age old art that has been learnt by many beginning walkers, but only mastered by the most agile and confident among them. To "saunter" is to walk at leisure with no particular direction, aim, or destination. It is easy to try, but hard to master for the simple reason that in this modern age, we have some task needing accomplishment at all times.

Having walked for a good amount of my life, and having set time aside when I was young to practice the trade, I am at such a level where I may be able to pass on some basic sauntering maneuvers. I am not an expert, but I am by no means a novice.

I find the first thing that absolutely must be done in order to start a true saunter, is to clear your mind of the illusion of your need to accomplish anything. This can be hard to do, so I suggest you first study in the area of Realizing How Unimportant Things Are.

Once your mind is clear of that pesky to-do list and you have literally nothing to do aside from exist, take a few steps. Keep your body relaxed and let your arms sway however they do naturally. No need to have a brisk pace, but don't go too slowly, or else you will distract yourself by concentrating too much on where your feet currently are. While it is important to know where your feet are, you shouldn't be bogged down by it.

The next key thing to do is to disconnect your mind's conscious control of your legs, and to think of nothing of particular importance. Much like your heartbeat, breathing, or blinking, your natural walk follows a pattern. If you are old enough, your walking pattern has been subconsciously imprinted into your mind so deeply, that you can walk without thinking about it. This will be hard for beginners, due to your want to learn how to saunter, it may come up in your thoughts every now and then. Do not let it.

Once you've cleared your mind and set your walk to auto-pilot, let your thoughts drift. You'll know your sauntering by the look that others give you. It will be a look comprised of disbelief in the fact that you are indeed so calm, disgust in the fact that you flaunt your calm so publicly, and the slightest hint of jealousy over your obvious freedom.

Beginners Beware! It can be easy to become lost in a saunter if you do not set into your mind certain "alarms". Perhaps use your internal clock to know when you have sauntered for long enough, or saunter until an outer event such as your ringtone or a car horn stops your saunter. Sauntering for too long is dangerous to various versions of your health. (Physical, Mental, Social, Emotional, Financial). Saunter Safely!

 Below is a picture of me with my good friends in mid-stride of a synchronized saunter.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Even at the Disco

Today is International Panic Day! I do not know why, but today has been selected as a day for the entire world to panic. The most common form of panic (at least in my cartoon world-based mind) is screaming and running around in circles. I don't recommend we do this however, as I think the entire human race spinning around in circles at the same time would somehow throw off the orbit of the earth, even if it only does so at an infinitesimal rate. I also don't know why June 18th was chosen as the day to put this burden on. Sure, some monks saw crazy stuff happen on the moon, and war was declared between two nations, but that's all behind us! It's obviously more serious than our celebration of Panic Day in March. No, this is international. So find your most foreign friend and panic with them. Believe me, it's easy to find SOMEthing you can panic about. The best thing is, you can panic anywhere.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

More Veggies and Nixon

Today is Watergate Day! In case you are too young to have learned about this in history class or too old to remember, the Watergate scandal happened 39 years ago (if my math is correct). Five men broke into the Democratic Committee headquarters and were arrested for it, because that is a pretty serious crime. That would have been all fine and dandy and wrapped up in a pretty little bow if the FBI hadn't found out that the men were being paid to do this by way of a fund that was also being used to re-elect president Nixon. That is a bigger crime. Further investigation gave way to evidence and even testimonies proving that what they had hypothesized about the situation was indeed true. Since Nixon was now pretty much going to be impeached with no qualms from anyone, he simply resigned. He was soon pardoned by his successor Ford for reasons I do not pretend to completely understand.

Today is also Eat Your Vegetables Day! This day is thankfully completely unrelated to the other one. No, today is almost a repeat of yesterday. While yesterday was a day that might have been celebrated simply by looking at or appreciating the thought of fresh veggies, today you have to actually eat them. I know, I know, it can be painful. I'm sure I'll lose some of my younger readers by forcing this on you so suddenly. Perhaps these holidays were put side by side because the great deciders of holidays knew that much like in life, you may need to be told twice (and in two different ways) to eat your vegetables by your parents.

They try the "Wow!" tactic first, as most parents do. Yesterday was Fresh Veggies Day. Almost as if to say "Wow! Look at these veggies! Aren't they great and so fresh?! These are probably the best thing here right now." When this tactic inevitably fails due to the lack of believability in their acting as they struggle to swallow some boiled beets, they move onto today's tactic: The "Do It Because I Said So Tactic". Eat Your Vegetables. It isn't until later in life when we discover logical fallacies that we can begin arguing against that tactic. So for now, you're stuck. There are good vegetables, though. My favourites are probably potatoes and corn. Especially together... mmmmmm.

I bet Nixon would have turned out better if he ate HIS vegetables. (He used to wash and display them in a store, but I see no mention of him eating any)

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle