Happier Days

Today is Petroleum Day! To celebrate today, I looked at this picture.

And then I cried.

Thanks for reading!

~Kyle

Fickle Creatures

Today is Take Your Pants For a Walk Day! Perhaps a kinder, gentler way of saying "Get Your Butt In Shape", today is a day to go for a walk... with pants on... ON. That also means no skirts, dresses, shorts, tutus, or kilts.

Your pants need to work out too, after all. Their fitness is a little flipped compared to ours, though. When jeans seem to be getting tight around your waist, that means that you need to start working them out. The easiest way to do so is to simply wear them while you work out. After a while, you'll notice they stop becoming so needy and clinging to your hips all the time. That means that they are now ready to loosen up and be comfortable around the other articles of clothing in your closet. Of course, sometimes they become so free from your waist, that you simply have to let them go, lest they try to escape of their own accord at an inopportune moment.

Don't worry, though! You can go buy a new pair of pants and start working out with them! If you do so often enough, not only will your own physique become maintained, but you'll have helped many pairs of pants on their journey to comfiness. Soon, when you are in peak condition and have helped enough of pants-kind, they will bestow upon you a gift in the form of the perfect pair of pants. Be careful not to take it for granted, however, as they are known to start constricting those who take them for granted, and you have begin the cycle anew.

Thanks for reading!

~Kyle

Extra! Extra!

Today is National Columnists Day! A day to celebrate the writer's behind your favourite newspaper (or site). Today would be a great day to read the newspaper for any articles or interest (not including 'the funnies' unfortunately, as they don't count as columns). I have several column-type news blogs that I've subscribed to via the internets, because that's just the wave of tomorrow. However, if I can so happen to find a newspaper today, I might just look through it for an interesting story or two. I'm actually surprised at how many things happen on a day to day basis sometimes. Then, taking into account that not every story found or submitted is 'news-worthy', and then also taking into account that not every happening was even noticed... MAN there's a lot of stuff happening in the world when you think about it. Too much to ever know completely. Which stinks for all you completionists out there. (That's gamer speak for people who have to have and know 100% of 100%... or everything)

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Body of Work.

Today is the Body Painting Arts Festival! While I did find a lot of information on body painting festivals, I didn't find anything telling me why today is a day dedicated to it. But I can still explain what it is! Body painting is usually when some removes most (if not all) of their clothes, and then paints their body. It can be anything from just one solid colour to something more elaborate like animal patterns or replicas of famous works of art. People usually do it for a reason or cause, but it can also be seen at very fancy (I use that word loosely), expensive, V.I.P., on-the-list-only type of parties. You usually use a specific kind of body paint, but I do not have that available to me. What I DO have available to me is paint that I'm going to paint my room with. Usually I avoid having paint fall on even so much as my fingers when I paint, but seeing as I'm so full of the holiday spirit, I suppose I won't avoid it as much today.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Story Time

Today is Tell a Story Day! I choose: Memory based story!

Sophomore year was an uneventful year aside from a few major occurrences in between the monotony of everyday happenings. Very few of these occurrences can be easily recalled, as very few of them had evidence to their actual existence in the timeline of my life. One in particular, however, will never be erased from the annals of my high school career. It is quite literally printed into the volumes of my memory, and it shall remain there until the ink of remembrance fades. I am, of course, referring to my yearbook picture.

PICTURE DAY

It was a day like any other, and we were all heading to P.E. to continue our basketball tournament that we had been having for that week. One of my fellow classmates, Ryan, found something that should really never have any reason for being in a gym: A stethoscope. For my younger readers: That thing the doctor listens to your insides with. Some say that fate put the stethoscope in the gym that day. Others say that it was left by the drama class who had been practicing for a play the night before. The latter was more likely, as they sometimes used the small stage in the gym for plays.

Me and Ryan spent a while listening to our own heartbeats along with finding hollow spots in the wall. Soon, however, Ryan was called onto the floor to start his team's match. I went over to my other friend, Daniel, and placed the stethoscope around his neck. Why? I was a sophomore and thats how we did things. My mistake was forgetting that, like me, Daniel often became lost in his mind, and any outside influence that was able to break him out of his trance was liable to be slapped or grappled. Within a second, he had whipped it off of his neck and behind him.

I felt a little smack on my head, which was apparently more audible than I thought. He turned around while rolling his eyes. Once he saw me, however, he looked horrified and began asking over and over again if I was alright. I didn't know why and I tried to calm him saying that it only smacked me. Soon, another student, Heath, came and began asking me if I was okay with the same amount of concern. Daniel told me I was bleeding.

I touched my forehead and found out that by "bleeding" he meant that I was pouring out blood at an alarming rate. For some reason, I had a fairly calm reaction to this. I'm told I rolled my eyes, which I don't recall, but I'd buy it. I walked over to the coach, and since he wasn't looking, I said "I think I need to go to the nurse." It's important to note that I was somewhat known for trying to get out of class before, so his sigh before he looked at me was understandable.

Once he saw my face had a red racing stripe down the center, he did a double take and all but pushed me out of the gym and into the hallway saying "Go! Hurry!". I don't know why he said that since he followed me almost the whole way. As I walked I had to cup my hands beneath my head to catch all of the blood, even though some drops were making a trail behind me. Eventually my hands were too full and I just gave up, dropping the blood I had caught onto the ground. I made the halls from the gym to the nurse's station look like a scene from a horror movie. I even forgot there was blood on my hands and left hand prints on the walls and doors.

Once I got to the nurse's station, she freaked out (as my usually arrival only called for cough drops or tums). She quickly washed me off and gave me a bandage with cotton in it to last me until I got to the doctor's office. When my mom arrived she had the same reaction I did. None. I guess we both expected something like this to happen someday. She drove me to the doctor. The doctor didn't believe my story about a stethoscope being a killing tool, but I convinced her by showing her how the edge of her stethoscope matched perfectly with the length of my wound. The nurse was cracking up behind her, which actually helped me see the humour in the situation, but I couldn't laugh or really make any facial expression because it made my head bleed more. They stitched me up and sent me on my way.

I had forgotten the next day was picture day, but I honestly didn't care. I actually though it was "pretty cool" because now I have this story. Along with the proof:

Thanks for reading!

~Kyle

Joe Schmoe

Today is National "Joe" Day! At first I thought that this would be a holiday celebrating coffee, which slightly excited me because I drink coffee rarely enough to make it somewhat of a treat. However, I could not have been further off. Well, I could have been, but let's save philosophical talks for later on in this blog. Today is a day to go around and either call everyone "Joe", ask to be called "Joe", or both. Why? I have absolutely no idea. Maybe because Joe is a popular name in America even in nicknames. Joe the Plumber is the first that comes to my mind. Which is odd because I'm not that into politics (which is another talk for another day). Off topic. Today go around calling everyone you see "Joe" and ask to be called "Joe". If you know someone who is actually named "Joe", be sure to let them know how special they are today. Or at least their name.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

North Polar

Today is International Polar Bear Day. I'm not sure how official the "international" part of this holiday is, or for that matter any previous or coming holiday with "national" in the name. However, I'm glad that this holiday IS international, as very few nations have polar bears that are indigenous to them. Today is a day to celebrate the existence of this extraordinary animal. Think about how much the world would miss out on if it were to suddenly disappear. For starters, I would wager that Coca-Cola and Klondike bars (pictured here) would be significantly less popular without such an established mascot. (Although Coca-Cola admittedly has quite a few 'mascots'). They are also one of the largest meat-eaters, and very unique in that their habitat is quite different from other bears. I won't go into too much detail, or else I may start sounding like Dwight Schrute. There are options for how to celebrate today: Go to the zoo to see polar bears, have a coke, eat a klondike bar, discuss polar bears as often as possible. You could even get really fancy and do all four. Since today is sunday, I'll have to stick with the latter three, as I simply do not have the time or money for a zoo visit right now. Next time. Maybe.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Like Clockwork

Today is an odd mixture of holidays. First, there is Punch the Clock Day. A day that, I assume, is meant to be celebrated by punching in and out of any thing you do on time. I don't know of many businesses that still use an actual punch-clock, so I suppose just do your best to be on time coming and going. The second holiday is Thomas Crapper Day. As you may or may not have guessed, Thomas helped great improve the bathroom by inventing the flush toilet. The word "crap" was around before him, though so we aren't celebrating that. No we are going to spend time being VERY thankful that the flush toilet exists and we don't have to do whatever it is that people used to have to do. I imagine it was smelly and disgusting. So thank you, Thomas Crapper, for patenting such a device. And having a chuckle worthy last name.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle