Friday, February 4, 2011

Today Sucks

WAIT! Before you get offended by the title and leave, it's only a pun! See, today is Create-a-Vacuum Day. Get it? So don't leave, guys. ... Thank you.

Create-a-Vacuum Day is fairly simple aside from the hyphens which really throw me off. Wouldn't it mean the same thing without them? That's off-topic, though. Today, you create a vacuum. Now, I'm fairly sure that it doesn't mean you have to go out, buy parts, and tinker around until you have your own version of the dyson vacuums. Instead, I think this is more of a scientific vacuum creation day, which is much cheaper and easier. For those of you that skipped childhood and went straight onto your... oh, we'll say late 30's, creating a vacuum is as easy as owning any kind of cup. That's because all you NEED is a cup. That's right!

Now, take that cup and put in on your mouth. No, ON it not up to it. No, not the side of the cup. No, not the bottom. No... okay start over. Take the cup and surround your lips with the lip of the cup by putting the top part of the cup around your mouth. The lip should be right under your nose, barely touching both cheeks, and on your chin now. To make sure you have it right, speak into the cup and it should sound a little echoey, and if you have it tight enough, you'll not be able to speak due to filling the cup with too much air. Good, but STOP TALKING! Filling the cup with air is exactly what we are working against here. Alright final step: Breath in, sucking all the air out of the cup. It may take several breaths, but you should reach a point where the cup will stay on your face without you even holding it! Now you turn to the person nearest you, tap them on the shoulder, and when they look at you, point at your mouth and grunt happily. They will either try to imitate you, or slap the cup off of your face. Either way, you are going to have a circle on your face for a while. This is how other holiday enthusiasts will recognize you, so wear it proudly! Beginners should start with disposable cups, and eventually you'll be able to work your way up to plastic or even glass for the risk takers.

Thanks for reading!

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