I Hereby Decree

Today is Start Your Own Country Day! Many people have mentioned that I've been in my own unique state for most of my life, so I guess I am overdue for an upgrade to my property. That makes today the perfect chance to do so! I hereby claim all land within 5 feet of where-ever I go to be my country. Now that may not be technically legal in most other countries, but luckily: it is in mine! Which is, in case you haven't heard, everywhere I go. The great thing about my country, though, is that it automatically assumes the laws of whatever country it is surrounded by. So for now, my country follows America's laws. It just makes the paperwork easier. Every good country needs a name, too. ... Actually every country needs a name regardless of whether it's good or not. Enough of that nonsense, my country is named... Kyleton? Wait that's a city sounding name. Let's go with Kylia. That's good. It rolls off the tongue. It also sounds like Hylia which I am totally all for.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle (King/Ambassador/Everyone of Kylia)

Fickle Creatures

Today is Take Your Pants For a Walk Day! Perhaps a kinder, gentler way of saying "Get Your Butt In Shape", today is a day to go for a walk... with pants on... ON. That also means no skirts, dresses, shorts, tutus, or kilts.

Your pants need to work out too, after all. Their fitness is a little flipped compared to ours, though. When jeans seem to be getting tight around your waist, that means that you need to start working them out. The easiest way to do so is to simply wear them while you work out. After a while, you'll notice they stop becoming so needy and clinging to your hips all the time. That means that they are now ready to loosen up and be comfortable around the other articles of clothing in your closet. Of course, sometimes they become so free from your waist, that you simply have to let them go, lest they try to escape of their own accord at an inopportune moment.

Don't worry, though! You can go buy a new pair of pants and start working out with them! If you do so often enough, not only will your own physique become maintained, but you'll have helped many pairs of pants on their journey to comfiness. Soon, when you are in peak condition and have helped enough of pants-kind, they will bestow upon you a gift in the form of the perfect pair of pants. Be careful not to take it for granted, however, as they are known to start constricting those who take them for granted, and you have begin the cycle anew.

Thanks for reading!

~Kyle

Paranoid Narcissist

Today is Stay Out of the Sun Day! Having just driven (drove? droven?) home in the heat of a car without air conditioning in the afternoon of the middle of the summer, I can say that today is a GREAT day to stay out of the sun. It's hot, it's unstoppable, and it's aimed right at you. A day in the summer is exactly like a natural human life. At the beginning, it's new, beautiful, and it's just a great thing to see: Newborn. Right around noon, it starts getting to be a little bit of a handful. It annoys you, it might even hurt you if you are with it too long: Pre-teen to around 23 depending on maturity levels. Right before dusk it starts calming down and mingles with the lower clouds and rooftops. It's barely getting a little more colour as it has experienced much in the hours it has been out: Middle Age. Finally there is sunset. The time when there is brilliant changes of color as it cools down and reflects on all it's done in it's time before it's gone for the night: Oldies. The moral of the story is: Stay out of the sun in the middle of the day. Also pre-teens I guess.

Today is also Compliment Your Mirror Day! Well, well, well. These holidays go hand in hand! If you choose to stay out of the sun by staying inside (wise choice), then you can take the time that you could have been spending working on your tan (or burn if you're me) telling yourself how good you look instead. It's fairly easy to do. All you need is a mirror (preferably clean), and your face (again... preferably clean). Then you just notice all the good things about your face, and compliment yourself on them. Easy peasy right? You could also take the literal route and compliment your mirror. Look how perfectly cut and reflective it is!

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

More Veggies and Nixon

Today is Watergate Day! In case you are too young to have learned about this in history class or too old to remember, the Watergate scandal happened 39 years ago (if my math is correct). Five men broke into the Democratic Committee headquarters and were arrested for it, because that is a pretty serious crime. That would have been all fine and dandy and wrapped up in a pretty little bow if the FBI hadn't found out that the men were being paid to do this by way of a fund that was also being used to re-elect president Nixon. That is a bigger crime. Further investigation gave way to evidence and even testimonies proving that what they had hypothesized about the situation was indeed true. Since Nixon was now pretty much going to be impeached with no qualms from anyone, he simply resigned. He was soon pardoned by his successor Ford for reasons I do not pretend to completely understand.

Today is also Eat Your Vegetables Day! This day is thankfully completely unrelated to the other one. No, today is almost a repeat of yesterday. While yesterday was a day that might have been celebrated simply by looking at or appreciating the thought of fresh veggies, today you have to actually eat them. I know, I know, it can be painful. I'm sure I'll lose some of my younger readers by forcing this on you so suddenly. Perhaps these holidays were put side by side because the great deciders of holidays knew that much like in life, you may need to be told twice (and in two different ways) to eat your vegetables by your parents.

They try the "Wow!" tactic first, as most parents do. Yesterday was Fresh Veggies Day. Almost as if to say "Wow! Look at these veggies! Aren't they great and so fresh?! These are probably the best thing here right now." When this tactic inevitably fails due to the lack of believability in their acting as they struggle to swallow some boiled beets, they move onto today's tactic: The "Do It Because I Said So Tactic". Eat Your Vegetables. It isn't until later in life when we discover logical fallacies that we can begin arguing against that tactic. So for now, you're stuck. There are good vegetables, though. My favourites are probably potatoes and corn. Especially together... mmmmmm.

I bet Nixon would have turned out better if he ate HIS vegetables. (He used to wash and display them in a store, but I see no mention of him eating any)

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Iocane Powder

Today is Name Your Poison Day! I think I first heard this phrase in some shoot-'em-up style movie when the main protagonist was at a bar ordering a drink. However, it soon found many other ways into my life as people tend to use it for a lot of decision making scenarios. "Name your poison" is usually said when your only choices aren't exactly healthy or desirable, but you still need to take one of them. If someone were to poison me, for example, I would think it very kind of them to let me decide which poison I had to take. It can also be used for any decision, though. So today is a day to name your poison if you've been struggling with a hard decision. Or even an easy one. Although I don't know why you'd struggle with an easy decision.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Mt. Falderal

Today is Clean Up Your Room Day! Today has finally come, and I feel a strange combination of excitement and indigestion. Knowing that there was a holiday dedicated to cleaning my room, I've spent at LEAST a month not cleaning it. Needless to say, the effects of that have piled up quite literally. This isn't any kind of normal messy room. This is worse than it has ever been. There's trash, books, papers, receipts, dishes, laundry, and possibly even small pieces of furniture that have been gathering in lumps. Today is the day that I have to force myself to wade through it all and clean up this mountainous mess. The only thing that will keep me going is the knowledge that I will no longer have only two "safe step zones" when I'm done. Wish me luck.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Valentine's Day II

Today is Great Poetry Reading Day! Today, you should read some of the classic poems. I'm not going to put any on here for three reasons: 1) That makes it too easy for you, 2) Who am I to say what great poetry is to everyone?, 3) That may or may not be plagiarism. Don't worry, though. Every bookstore worth it's salt has a section of poetry, and every section has at least 5-10 books that are the "greatest poems of time" or some such thing. And they rarely cost more than 10 dollars. So go buy one and read poems to people today. Or yourself if you're shy.

Today is also Kiss Your Mate Day! If, like me, you don't have a mate or are uncertain you know what that means (are we talking Australian 'mate' like a buddy, or 'mate' like someone you've had a child with?), then today ranges anywhere from difficult to impossible to do. I do not have a mate right now, so I can't kiss her. I also don't generally go around kissing people willy nilly. Especially not my mates (Australian usage). Of course maybe this holiday is talking about soul-mates? But if thats the case I wish I had some advance warning. Like "Find your Soul-Mate Day"... then again, a holiday like that would put a lot of pressure on a few people. I've heard good poetry might make it easier to give/get a kiss, though.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Possibilities

Today is All Is Ours Day! Today is a day to celebrate the things that we all share. I think the most important thing implied in the phrase would be 'potential'. This world was literally made for us and each of us have the potential to do at least one incredible thing during our lifetime. Take some time today to realize all of the things that you share with humanity along with the things that you may contribute to it. I hate to make this such a short post, but I think it might be better to keep it short and simple just like the name of the day itself.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Pounds of Pennies

Today is One Cent Day! There is a lot that can be done with one cent. Not literally, of course. For example, you can pay a single penny for someone's thoughts. Can you even comprehend the great deal in that transaction? No. You can't. That's giving someone something that you find on the ground with no real use by itself, and trading them for their entire life. That's crazy! Granted, no one really respects the rules of the trade anymore, and some people just outright turn the offer down.

Okay, so there are a few uses for pennies out there, but most of them entail using more than one. Today being ONE Cent Day, I find it offensive that you would even think of using more. No, we're just gonna have to get creative here. I, for instance, am going to go try to get a job today so that I can say that I earn at LEAST a cent. ... That was a stretch. Sorry. Here's my favourite saying about pennies to make up for it.

"In for a penny, in for a pound."

Wait don't freak out! I know, I know. "Pounds are a measure of weight, Kyle! What does this mean?" Well, in some well-known areas of Europe, (We'll say England, for example) they have a unit of money called a 'Pound'. Crazy I know. I still don't know how to react over there when someone says "I've lost twenty pounds!" Anyway, the phrase means that you are committed to your completing an action once you've started it, no matter how much effort or consequence comes with it.

Example 1: Scenario - Guy is robbing a bank
Robber says "Give me all your money!"
Teller says "The cops are on their way and we have your face on camera!" (Dumb thing to say, btw)
Robber says "Give me that pen, too! And break it so I get most of the chain!"
Teller says "What? Why?"
Robber says "In for a penny, in for a pound!"

There is no Example 2, I'm saying that that one is funny/good enough for 9:30 in the morning. Time to go get a job! Might as well stop at a bunch of other places to see if there are openings, too. I'm fully committed to my current course of action no matter the amount of effort I might have to put forth into fully completing it. (See why they made a phrase to replace all that?)

April Fool's! That kind of was another Example... Now I'm just procrastinating.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Funnel Spinach?

Today is Spinach Festival Day! Today is a day to pay some tribute to spinach by eating it or cooking it or at least watching Popeye the Sailor cartoons. I just got back from Six Flags and the combination of the hot, hot sun plus walking around for hours has left my stomach in quite a moody state, so I think I'll stick to watching Popeye. I also just don't have any spinach, and frankly am not well versed at all in what to make with it. Aside from Spinach Salad. Recipe: Spinach + Plate + Dressing?* (*may not be necessary)

Today is also Make Up Your Own Holiday Day! I assume that every year I can make a new one, and that my decision for today will not make every subsequent M.U.Y.O.H.D. the same celebration. In light of that made up knowledge, I choose to dub today "Funnel Cake Day". Funnel Cake is delicious. Even when it is as overpriced as it was at Six Flags, there is just no getting around the fact that it is an absolutely mouth watering treat. I mean look at this:

How could you not want to eat that?

Thanks for reading!

~Kyle

Organized by flavor.

Today is National Organize Your Home Office Day! This is another one of those fancy self-explanatory holidays. It does however, have a few loopholes. In fact, I own one of those loopholes. I have no home office to clean. What I DO have, however, is a laptop and a desktop PC that could both use a little re-organization of some stray files. It's not as bad on a Mac, because it seems to know where files are much faster when I ask the Spotlight in the upper part of the screen. When I ask my PC where a file is, it not only doesn't remember, it chooses to look in all the least likely places for it to be before it finds it. Don't be fooled! I'm neither a Mac or PC. It's just that in that one area, Macs are most definitely better. Don't feel bad, PC's, you still have a lot more video games.

Today is also National Chip and Dip Day! This day leaves a lot to the imagination. What kind of chip do I eat? Potato? Tortilla? ... Corn Tortilla? I might even be inclined to eat french fries just because they are called chips sometimes. Which, by the way, opens a whole new floodgate of dips to choose from. Maybe you don't know what kind of chip goes best with what dip. Here are some of my favourite combos to help get you started.

Potato + Sour Cream & Onion
Potato + French Onion
Tortilla + Salsa
Tortilla + Queso
Apple Chips + Nothing. Apple chips are delicious. Dip them straight into your mouth.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Finished Product!

Tada!

Ladies and Gentlefolk, my culinary creation! It is a Strawberry Daiquiri Cupcake. I made it with strawberry cake mix with red sprinkles mixed in to give it a nice look and replaced the water with ginger ale to give it some zing. Everybody loves ginger ale. The topping is butter cream and there is a half strawberry on top being shaded by an umbrella toothpick. Those toothpicks are very, VERY hard to find where I live by the way, so thanks to World Market being the only store anywhere near me that had some.

Well, I hope your Dream Your Sweet day went well, too! I'll talk to you tomorrow!

Thanks for reading!

~Dukes McGee

Making a name for myself... after cupcakes.

Today is "Get a Different Name Day", and it's just like what it sounds. A day to simply go by a different moniker than what you have been given at birth. If you've already legally changed your name like Ochocinco did... and then did again, then don't worry because you can still participate. you don't have to go through all that legal mumbo jumbo (and I don't think they'd even bother with it just for a one-day name change). Just pick a name you like and go with it. Try to see how many people you can get to call you by your new name! Make a game out of it! Maybe introduce yourself as something different every day? It's all up to you and your imagination.

Speaking of imagination, today is also Dream Your Sweet Day. There doesn't seem to be very much info online about this day, but from what I saw and already know about dreaming and sweets, today is a day to come up with a new sort of dessert or sweet treat and make it! Or just dream it, if you're cool with leaving it there or maybe don't have the supplies. I went to Target and got some goodies to make my very own culinary creation. They are still cooking in the oven right this very second, so... I can't give you a picture of it now (I still need to decorate them before you see the finished product.) About an hour or two after this initial post, however, I'll put up a nice fancy picture and explanation of what exactly it is. So look forward to that!

Thanks for reading!
~Samuel Rutherford III

Write with your feet. More hands for pie.

The first Holiday of January 23rd: National Handwriting Day. This holiday was made by the Writing Instrument Manufacturers Association to make the public more aware of the significance of handwriting in this increasingly technological age. Celebrate by writing as much as you can by hand (If I had a scanner, this would be in my REAL handwriting and not "Handwriting-Dakota"). Mail people letters by snail mail or just pass notes in class (don't tell anyone I gave that advice). EDIT... I couldn't even get the special font to work! :( 

The next holiday is National Pie Day! As you may know by now, I thoroughly enjoy food related holidays, and this one takes the cake (or pie) (I know you saw that one coming) ) so far. I love pie of any sort. I ate three pizzas and a banana cream pie for lunch, and am getting ready to watch Sweeny Todd, as I can't find any meat pies in stores near me, so that's what I'll settle for. So, yeah... eat pie today.

And to make this the first day with THREE holidays, today is ALSO Measure Your Feet Day. You celebrate by... well... measuring your feet. I did this by going to see what size shoes I wear, as you will soon see in the lovely picture below, my shoes for the past two or three years may indeed be on their last string... literally. So take the time to measure your feet in any way you can manage. And hey, have a great day... or what's left of it. I'm so sorry for this super late update.

Thanks for reading!

~Kyle

Never Again

January 14th... is a day that I at first did not like the idea of, but it won me over. National Dress Up Your Pet Day at first would seem like a day that furthers the idea that it is okay to put your pet in a sweater during the winter, or that they need a sun hat in the summer. They don't. However, I thought about it and came to the conclusion that this holiday is okay in my book, as long as it is the ONLY day when this is allowed. Now, I know... I know... they look cute all dress up like us peoples do. Admittedly, yeah it can be pretty cool to see a well-thought out costume for a person an their dog on halloween. The best costumes however, do nothing to the dog! Got a little black yorkie and a brunette girl? One basket later, it's Dorothy and Toto from Wizard of Oz. Got an elderly man and a Jack Russell Terrier? Grab a cane and it's Eddie and Martin from Frasier. Got a yellow lab and a small child? Give the kid a gun and it's Old Yeller.

... That last one was a little dark, but my point stands. They don't need a costume or clothes to be cute or cool. That said, I'm not going to yell at people that I see who DO dress up their pets, I just don't see me ever doing it myself. However, it is the holiday of the day, so to make good on my promise, I have to. I only have an extra shirt from Build-a-Bear to use, though, as the pants do not fit. So here ya go. Business Casual Milo.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Thanks, Jiminy Cricket.

January 13th is yet another double holiday! Make Your Dream Come True Day was the harder of the two to celebrate, so i began with it. Now it didn't specify as to what kind of dream (night, day, life-long), so I went with the night dream. I ate none of my usual midnight snack oddities so that my dream would be as close to not-crazy and at least partially realistically fulfillable. I dreamt that I was at the mall just wandering around and there was a really expensive jacket that was awesome. I don't really know how to describe it, but just imagine the best material and fit ever. It was pretty cool. I imagine this stemmed from me discussing going to the mall the previous night with some friends, along with my want for a new jacket, and quite possibly my recent viewing of the first two episodes of The Cape. Back to the dream, though, I couldn't afford it and had to go do favours for all the stores to raise money (enter my knowledge of how side-quests in video games work). I woke up before I rose the money. The End.

To make this a reality, I needed to go to the mall. Check. I needed to find a jacket I wanted. Check. I needed to not have enough funds. Check, check, check. All systems go. I went to some stores (Build-a-Bear, Gamestop, Bose, Apple, etc.) and asked if they needed any favours done in exchange for petty cash. No such luck! Although, I DID get a few Godiva truffle samples for free, which was pretty cool of them. But in the end, I did not get the jacket. Not exactly how the dream went, as in the dream I raised at LEAST 1,500 dollars, and that would have been REALLY nice, but alas.

Actually, not 'alas'. It was quite disappointing to not get 1,500 dollars even if I wasn't technically promised any money at all just for trying. Which brings me to the second holiday, Blame Someone Else Day. I would like to thank a certain puppet's pet insect for telling me that "If I wished upon a star" My dreams would come true. I didn't wish upon a star, granted, but that's only because I didn't remember about it until I tried to come up with a kinda witty title for this entry. Also, by the time I woke up, the stars were out of sight. For which I blame the sun! Which, while technically a star, has yet to make it known whether or not it, too has any sort of wish-granting ability. So it's obviously all their fault.

Thanks for reading!

~Kyle