Fickle Creatures

Today is Take Your Pants For a Walk Day! Perhaps a kinder, gentler way of saying "Get Your Butt In Shape", today is a day to go for a walk... with pants on... ON. That also means no skirts, dresses, shorts, tutus, or kilts.

Your pants need to work out too, after all. Their fitness is a little flipped compared to ours, though. When jeans seem to be getting tight around your waist, that means that you need to start working them out. The easiest way to do so is to simply wear them while you work out. After a while, you'll notice they stop becoming so needy and clinging to your hips all the time. That means that they are now ready to loosen up and be comfortable around the other articles of clothing in your closet. Of course, sometimes they become so free from your waist, that you simply have to let them go, lest they try to escape of their own accord at an inopportune moment.

Don't worry, though! You can go buy a new pair of pants and start working out with them! If you do so often enough, not only will your own physique become maintained, but you'll have helped many pairs of pants on their journey to comfiness. Soon, when you are in peak condition and have helped enough of pants-kind, they will bestow upon you a gift in the form of the perfect pair of pants. Be careful not to take it for granted, however, as they are known to start constricting those who take them for granted, and you have begin the cycle anew.

Thanks for reading!

~Kyle

All In

Today is All or Nothing Day! Today is a day to put it all on the line! There is no scale of action today, but only the two distinct ends. Either you do all you possibly can to get all your work done and your needs fulfilled, or you don't even try.

There isn't any room for hesitation or neutrality today. No sir, that kind of thing gets you killed in a dog-eat-dog world. One false move and you're gone just because you didn't know when to fold 'em! Be extra careful out there today because all the celebrators of this holiday are going to seem unstoppable. Or very stoppable. If any situation arises, you look it dead in the eye and take it down by the scruff of it's neck. Or... y'know... not.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Advanced Walking Technique #12

Today is World Sauntering Day! Sauntering is an age old art that has been learnt by many beginning walkers, but only mastered by the most agile and confident among them. To "saunter" is to walk at leisure with no particular direction, aim, or destination. It is easy to try, but hard to master for the simple reason that in this modern age, we have some task needing accomplishment at all times.

Having walked for a good amount of my life, and having set time aside when I was young to practice the trade, I am at such a level where I may be able to pass on some basic sauntering maneuvers. I am not an expert, but I am by no means a novice.

I find the first thing that absolutely must be done in order to start a true saunter, is to clear your mind of the illusion of your need to accomplish anything. This can be hard to do, so I suggest you first study in the area of Realizing How Unimportant Things Are.

Once your mind is clear of that pesky to-do list and you have literally nothing to do aside from exist, take a few steps. Keep your body relaxed and let your arms sway however they do naturally. No need to have a brisk pace, but don't go too slowly, or else you will distract yourself by concentrating too much on where your feet currently are. While it is important to know where your feet are, you shouldn't be bogged down by it.

The next key thing to do is to disconnect your mind's conscious control of your legs, and to think of nothing of particular importance. Much like your heartbeat, breathing, or blinking, your natural walk follows a pattern. If you are old enough, your walking pattern has been subconsciously imprinted into your mind so deeply, that you can walk without thinking about it. This will be hard for beginners, due to your want to learn how to saunter, it may come up in your thoughts every now and then. Do not let it.

Once you've cleared your mind and set your walk to auto-pilot, let your thoughts drift. You'll know your sauntering by the look that others give you. It will be a look comprised of disbelief in the fact that you are indeed so calm, disgust in the fact that you flaunt your calm so publicly, and the slightest hint of jealousy over your obvious freedom.

Beginners Beware! It can be easy to become lost in a saunter if you do not set into your mind certain "alarms". Perhaps use your internal clock to know when you have sauntered for long enough, or saunter until an outer event such as your ringtone or a car horn stops your saunter. Sauntering for too long is dangerous to various versions of your health. (Physical, Mental, Social, Emotional, Financial). Saunter Safely!

 Below is a picture of me with my good friends in mid-stride of a synchronized saunter.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle