Right Off Memory Lane

Welcome back, readers! It took me longer than I thought it would to get used to drawing electronically, so this post has been a little delayed. But now I'm here, you're here, and we are all set to get this thing started. So let's get this thing started. As promised, I will be guiding you through my mind, so I think it's important that you first know what my mind looks like. So here is some clip art of a brain!

Now, I know that you might have been expecting some grand masterpiece of art by yours truly, but hopefully you'll learn to lower those expectations soon. That said, let's zoom in to the part we'll be look at today: The memory center. Which is right here-ish:

Zoom in a little.

Enhance.

Hmmm... What is that? Do some totally unrealistic cop drama enhancing.

Oh my goodness! It's the best theatre in my mind! I can't believe I had almost forgotten about it. This is the place to go for any citizen of my mind who wants, needs, or is forced to look through anything and everything that I have ever experienced in the past. It only has one screen, but with my patented UnrealD Glasses, that screen will show you the memory that you wanted to see while simultaneously projecting different memories to any number of audience members that may also be in the theatre with you. If you go in without any specific memory in mind, you'll receive a random one! Come on, let's give it a try.

Oh... Well. I DID say it would be random. Seems like a blast from the past. As you can see, the audience of this theatre is very opinionated, and will sometimes discuss memories as they watch them. That sort of thing is usually frowned upon in real life, but since all the audience members (along with every citizen in my mind) are personifications of aspects of myself divided into almost infinitesimally portioned archetypes. That's a topic for another post, though. The point is, they are all basically me, and I like my opinions, so they have no problem with sharing them or listening to them. However, like every theatre, there is a more sacred and everlasting area where they make their opinion more permanently known.

Here is where the people communicate most somewhat effectively. Every citizen is required to have an imaginary sharpie (imaginarpie) on them at all times just in case they need to correct or add to any statement written anywhere. Sure, it leads to some pretty messy paperwork now and then, but this is one of the places the law really proves it's worth. Just look at this monument to public opinionatedness. Look at it!

Well, that's about all of the theatre that I have time to show you today. I'll show you to another area of this thriving community some other time! Until then, remember to take some time out of your day to think of something different. It'll keep you sane.

Thanks for reading!

~Kyle

A Hike In My Head

Today is Take a Hike Day! Now, there aren't many places near me that I would qualify as a genuine 'hike', as I always thought you need at least one good hill involved to no just be on a walk or a stroll. However, I did my best to find an at least somewhat bumpy path to hike on, and did! Being a complete dummy, I forgot to take any pictures or evidence whatsoever. However, since I was pretty much alone with my thoughts, I heard them quite clearly, and actually have a mental record of what I was thinking. So here is a brief look into what goes on in my head in the easiest way I could think of to do it. Script-form.

LOGIC (Pretty much the head honcho): Alright, guys, we've made it to the park. Quick check to see how everything is going. Everybody report.

DOC (Handles almost physical stuff): The stomachs still looking good thanks to the late breakfast, the neck's a little stiff from driving, though.

LOGIC: I'll have one of the interns tell the hands to get crackin' on that.

DOC: Great. The feet seem to be wondering why they aren't being covered up. The ground is still cold before noon.

LOGIC: Look, they kept complaining about shoes being too tight, so a vote was passed to forgo wearing shoes until the new ones came in the mail.

DOC: New ones have come. They're very comfy, if lacking in arch support.

LOGIC: Well, we'll have to call another meeting about that, then, he might have gotten used to going shoeless. Right now let's focus on the task at hand: Enjoying nature. EMOTICON, what's the feel out there?

EMOTICON (A robot built to process emotion (spoken in a robotic voice)): Everything looks very fresh and new with the morning dew on it. I especially like that tree that looks like a face. :) Otherwise, I'm not getting many clear observations yet.

LOGIC: Why not?

EMOTICON: It seems that the observation deck has not turned all it's systems on yet :/

LOGIC: What?

(LOGIC swivels his chair around to face SEPIA and RUSSET, who control the left and right eye respectively)

LOGIC: What's going on, you two?

SEPIA: We haven't had our coffee yet.

LOGIC: Kyle... doesn't drink coffee.

RUSSET: He doesn't, but we do. It's cliche of our character types.

LOGIC: ... Whatever. Drink some coffee then.

SEPIA: Aw, we can't imagine good coffee.

LOGIC: You've literally had a front seat to every coffee ever seen by Kyle. Do your best.

RUSSET: ...Fine

(Coffee appears and SEPIA & RUSSET drink it)

LOGIC: Alright. Anyone else have anything to report?

CHAOS (Nobody really knows what this guy does, but he's interesting, so they let him come to the meetings): Totally. Did you guys know that the Space Jam website is still up? The original one! I saw a tweet about it yesterday and thought I'd bring it up.

LOGIC: Thanks. That's great...

EMOTICON: The sunrise is so beautiful, guys.

LOGIC: It's 10:47...

EMOTICON. It was beautiful, though.

LOGIC: Good to hear. Log it into the memory files.

EMOTICONS: Well, we've seen better, to be honest.

LOGIC: Alright, well we'll just keep it on the table until it gets in the way, then.

ANXIETY (Tries to keep the brain free of clutter or duplicate ideas): Uuuuugh! The tables so full, though. Argh... I'll just throw out some character names from Chuck. He hasn't watched that show in a while.

LOGIC: I'm getting some readings of annoyance from the brain. Anyone know what the cause is?

ANXIETY: You're wel-

RUSSET (shouting across room): Yeah, there are some mosquitos out today. We're teaming up with the guys running the hands to care of it, but there's also gnats everywhere.

EMOTICON: Why do gnats always stay above the sidewalk?! >:(

LOGIC: It's fine, it's fine. We've got a good swatting method, and as long as we don't breath during the gnat clouds, we'll be fine.

SUBCONSCIOUS (Background guy): NO! I take care of breathing just fine! If you take over, he'll just hold his breath for fun again!

LOGIC: Calm down, you still have control of... is there a word for wanting to live?

SUBCONSCIOUS: You mean the thing I do when he holds his breath for too long and I make him start breathing before he passes out?

LOGIC: Yes. I don't think there's a word for that. Make a note to try to find one later.

ANXIETY: Ugh...

DOC: Oh I think I should mention that we do need to go to the bathroom.

LOGIC: It'll have to wait, he's still hiking.

DOC: Well, it's one of those times where I should have brought it up hours ago, but just found it on my desk and realized it was never taken care of.

LOGIC: (Heavy sigh) Alright, let's head back to the car.

END SCENE!

And that's how I think of my brain. There were actually a lot more subjects talked about between other people at the meeting, but I just gave you the really pertinent things.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Mind Over Matters

Today is World Sauntering Day! Again! Last time we had a World Sauntering Day, I told you some good ways to saunter. Don't worry, I'm not rescinding the method in that post. It is still valid. Instead, today I am here to warn you about the possible downsides of over-using the saunter.

UPSIDE: You look like you are very in control of all aspects of your own life.

DOWNSIDE: This will make people hoist their daily burdens onto you.

SOLUTION: Either learn to use the Secret Saunter* (otherwise known as the Cautionary Constitutional by some of the older viewers), or accept your role as problem receiver and prepare accordingly to solve all possible problems that are given to you that day.

*Secret Saunter may require experience in Novice to Intermediate level Sauntering. See Index in Handbook for details.


Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Advanced Walking Technique #12

Today is World Sauntering Day! Sauntering is an age old art that has been learnt by many beginning walkers, but only mastered by the most agile and confident among them. To "saunter" is to walk at leisure with no particular direction, aim, or destination. It is easy to try, but hard to master for the simple reason that in this modern age, we have some task needing accomplishment at all times.

Having walked for a good amount of my life, and having set time aside when I was young to practice the trade, I am at such a level where I may be able to pass on some basic sauntering maneuvers. I am not an expert, but I am by no means a novice.

I find the first thing that absolutely must be done in order to start a true saunter, is to clear your mind of the illusion of your need to accomplish anything. This can be hard to do, so I suggest you first study in the area of Realizing How Unimportant Things Are.

Once your mind is clear of that pesky to-do list and you have literally nothing to do aside from exist, take a few steps. Keep your body relaxed and let your arms sway however they do naturally. No need to have a brisk pace, but don't go too slowly, or else you will distract yourself by concentrating too much on where your feet currently are. While it is important to know where your feet are, you shouldn't be bogged down by it.

The next key thing to do is to disconnect your mind's conscious control of your legs, and to think of nothing of particular importance. Much like your heartbeat, breathing, or blinking, your natural walk follows a pattern. If you are old enough, your walking pattern has been subconsciously imprinted into your mind so deeply, that you can walk without thinking about it. This will be hard for beginners, due to your want to learn how to saunter, it may come up in your thoughts every now and then. Do not let it.

Once you've cleared your mind and set your walk to auto-pilot, let your thoughts drift. You'll know your sauntering by the look that others give you. It will be a look comprised of disbelief in the fact that you are indeed so calm, disgust in the fact that you flaunt your calm so publicly, and the slightest hint of jealousy over your obvious freedom.

Beginners Beware! It can be easy to become lost in a saunter if you do not set into your mind certain "alarms". Perhaps use your internal clock to know when you have sauntered for long enough, or saunter until an outer event such as your ringtone or a car horn stops your saunter. Sauntering for too long is dangerous to various versions of your health. (Physical, Mental, Social, Emotional, Financial). Saunter Safely!

 Below is a picture of me with my good friends in mid-stride of a synchronized saunter.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle