Aw man... Almonds.

Today is National Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day! Now if there's one thing I hate about chocolate, it's nuts in it. As a double whammy, the only chocolate with almonds I can find that still qualifies as bittersweet chocolate also has coconut in it. I hate coconut. "It's not the taste, it's the texture" as I'm sure you've heard a bajillion times before. The reason is because my mother gave me some coconut flavoured medicine (good call mom) even though grape medicine is as nasty as the inners of an old man's ear, os one would assume a NON-fruit medicine would be a batrillion times worse. Coconut isn't a fruit, right? Maybe it is. It's on fruit ninja... so it must be I guess. Well, I'm not correcting myself. I'm doing this LIVE! Whatever I'm just rambling to avoid eating this Almond Joy. Here goes nothing. I'll update you on how it goes.

[UPDATE]
This is dag nasty. Gotta power through, though.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Wives & Sandwiches

Today is a pretty hilarious combo of days, if I do say so myself. It's right up there with the "Sock" days from May. No doubt many of you will crack some jokes at today's coincidental (?) celebration combination. I count myself in that number of people as well.

Today's first holiday is Housewives' Day! A holiday created to acknowledge and celebrate all the hard work that a wife does to make a house into a home. What better way to acknowledge all that work by taking it on yourself to do it instead? Although, you might do it wrong and she'll just have to fix it later, I'm sure the gesture will be appreciated. I mean it seems pretty easy when you do it, but you don't realize that they also do it every day! And the kid isn't as easy to deal with as you'd think when you're with them all day! And boy oh boy does hilarity ensue when you forget your daughter at ballet practice. At least that's what sitcoms paint this picture to be like. (Author's note: I'm not married)

Today is also Sandwich Day! Sandwiches are the best thing since sliced bread. In fact, without sliced bread, there wouldn't be such a thing. Luckily for humans, we have someone to thank: John Montagu, the Fourth Earl of Sandwich. While the concept belongs to him, the inventor was his servant, who was told to put meat between bread and deliver it to him while he was gambling. That way, he had one hand to hold his meal in, and one hand to hold his hand in. He also did other things in his time as the Earl, but... I mean you really can't beat coming up with the idea for sandwich.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Candy Lies

Today is Candy Corn Day! A lot of people get excited about candy corn for reasons unbeknownst to me. Candy corn takes the names of two delicious things that shouldn't be put together, and ruins them both as individuals and a team. Candy is good. Corn is good. Candy corn tastes like someone used the leftover wax from the previous year's fall candles, but took all the flavor out and replaced it with wet chalk. ... I'm not the biggest fan of candy corn. But, since it's a holiday, I will eat one. ONE piece of candy corn. Other than that, I'll TRY to have a good day.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Every Day of Elementary

Today is National Bologna Day! Not 'baloney'. 'Bologna'. There IS a difference. One is meat, and one is just a bunch of talk. Today is about the meat one! You don't even WANT to know how many times I ate bologna in my life. It was pretty much a staple of my dietary menu up until the time when I was tall enough to reach all the shelves in the pantry, and smart enough to make my own healthy meal. Well... at least smart enough to not be seen when I made unhealthy meals.

Bologna is one of the most widely-used sandwich meats, believe it or not. But why not? It's made of beef, pork, and etcetera! Not to mention how easy it is to make a sandwich out of. Bread+bologna+mustard+bread = Done! So go and enjoy yourself some bologna today!

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

I Made You Avocado

Today is National Mole Day! No, it's not for the animal. It's not for that weird thing growing on your back, either. It's based off of Avogadro's Number. You may remember Avogadro's Number from high school chemistry as being (6.02 x 10^23), or you may be more like me: simply remembering his name vaguely because it sounds like 'Avocado' and that was more entertaining to you at the time.

Well, the number is used as a unit to measure the atomic mass of a molecule. The actual would look like this: 602,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. Or you could say 'Six hundred and two sextillion". Frankly neither is very efficient, which is why there's a shorthand for writing such large numbers, and why every scientist should rename every important number after a notable figure. How much easier is it to say 'Avogadro's Number'?

It's celebrated today because of the 10^23 (It's like 10/23). Celebrate today by finding the atomic mass of all the molecules in an avocado. That seems fitting.

Thanks for reading!

~Kyle

Aw Nuts

Today is National Nut Day! Today is a day to simply enjoy, consume, and appreciate nuts. Not necessarily in that order. There are a lot of nuts out there for you to try, from chestnuts to red bopple nuts. Although bopple nuts aren't usually eaten... they CAN be. They're related to the macadamia for what that's worth. It's usually just an ornament, though. Whatever you do, don't you even THINK about letting peanuts in on this holiday. They're legumes. They just pretend to be nuts. ... posers.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Spirited Day

Today is National Brandied Fruit Day! Brandied fruit is a mainly European treat for the autumnal and winter..al holidays. It's fruit kept in brandy for around 3 weeks, giving time for the fruit to absorb the brandy and take on it's flavor. The nice lady at the store told me that brandy is sweeter, and would thusly make a good addition to fruit. However, they also had no brandied fruit, because it's mainly used for holidays such as christmas. So instead, I bought some "Spirited Peaches", which were in an almond liquor. I chopped them up finely... TOO finely, actually. It turned into somewhat of a jam rather than actual peaches. Unhindered by my mistakes, I bravely carried on and put them in crispy, little sweetbread cups and topped it with crumbled almond cinnamon cookies. Turned out pretty good, although I do think it would have been better had I not obliterated the peaches as much as I did. Probably shouldn't have used a food processor, but... live and learn.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Blogaccino

"Today is National Coffee Day!" Is what I would say if you all didn't already know. I've had about 5 or 6 texts today asking "Is today really national coffee day?!" It's almost like they were all hopped up on somethi- ... oh right... coffee. Well, I guess it does make it a lot easier on me, because you all have already celebrated. I have to finish writing this before my coffee gets old. Although I can't decide how I'd like it. Hot? Iced? Black? Cream? Sugar? I don't want to wreck the holiday by drinking a bad cup!

Thanks for reading!

~Kyle

Bunches of Thanks

Today is World Gratitude Day! Aw snap, ya'll! Stuff just got real up in here. You weren't expecting to have to be thankful for anything until Thanksgiving? Well, you best start thinking of something that's happening right now to be thankful for! It's like when a teacher calls on you when you didn't have your hand raised and you freak out because you didn't prepare? Well, that's what I'm doing to you. Here's a quick list of things that I'm quite thankful for so far this year.

1) My recent trip to the UK with Lift Ministries. It was my third time over there and it gets more intense and awesome every year. I can't wait to see what happens next year!

2) My job. It took forever to get one, but I finally did. Also, it's at a bakery and everything is delicious there. You just can't say that about working many places.

3) My friend Lori, who thought that my holiday celebrating was neat, and has even started a blog of her own describing her celebrations and/or thoughts on the holidays. She even found some holidays that were different than mine (My list... may or may not be outdated... by two years... almost three), so you'll get twice the holidays for half the money! Which... is still $0.00, because they are free blogs... OFF TRACK! I was trying to say that her involvement and interest in this has re-kindled my excited-ness in my own blog! (I was getting lackadaisical lately, and also mad at the food holidays for being so... prevalent.) I will do my best to not do that now!

4) Last but not definitely not least, I'm thankful for my loyal viewers. All 8-27 daily viewers (Yeah I'm watchin' you) that read this blog. It may sound small, but that's a good room-full of people. And they aren't always the same ones either! I get people I know coming up to me asking about what holiday it is, and it's all fun times! Without your viewership, I would basically be talking to myself. Which, while sometimes therapeutic, becomes creepy if done too often. So thank you!

Today is also the International Banana Festival Day! I hear tell that this is a Kentucky thing, but that doesn't make sense to me because of the word 'International' in the title. However, from the pictures I've seen, it involves eating a lot of bananas. I am totally down for that. I've eaten banana bread, banana pudding, a banana and peanut butter sandwich, and even a banana smoothie! Feel free to experiment with banana recipes today, too. And just so you don't forget today is banana day, it helps to have this stuck in your head forever.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Painful or Fruity

Today is National Punch Day! I'm gonna be honest with you, I'm not quite sure whether or not we're talking fruity concoctions or mean interactions here. From what I've researched, it looks like the day is leaning towards being about the drink, but I won't hold it against you if you go around punching people. They might, and the state officials might, but I won't hold a grudge.

As it turns out, "Punch" comes from the Hindustani word "Pench", which means 'five'. And since the punch was made with five ingredients, they called it after how many ingredients are in it. I'm really glad we don't do that with everything, or our restaurant menus would be a lot less fun to read.

However, I can't say all that without also pointing out that a fist is made of five fingers, so physically punching wouldn't technically be a wrong way to celebrate. ... Just sayin'

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Buttarrrrscotch

Today be National Butterscotch Pudding Day! Ye may best know butterscotch as that tough little candy that yer grandma be handing ya right before she pinches yer cheeks as tight as a sail in a storm. There also be a fairrrrrly pop'lar puddin' with the same flavor! Once again, I turned to my most trusted merchant of pudding for this parrrrticular day. Jell-O. They always be making the best flavourrrs, and they always be as fine quality as a king's sheets. But don't take it from an old salt like me, try it yerself!

Today also be Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Thanks fer readin'!
~Captain Kyle

Molding Toys

Today is National Play-Doh Day! I'm sure all the people my age and above, and possibly some below have had Play-Doh at some point in their lives. It was and hopefully still is a major staple 'toy' in a normal childhood. I say 'toy', but Play-Doh is so much more than that. It's... anything. Literally. Well... not literally, but it's very versatile. You can make it into whatever shape you want, and then use a little something called imagination to make it real. Imagination doesn't come with Play-Doh, but Play-Doh can play a great part in activating it. As can any toy with such versatility. Plus, what a great business model. "Hey lets give kids some colored blobs to make into whatever toy they want". Play-Doh is making bank off of that business model. Not that I hold it against them. I mean, it's a great business model. And I love playdoh. I usually made picnic scenes.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

I Like Apples

Today is National Apple Dumpling Day! Apples are my favorite fruit by far, as I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before. Because how could I not have? I've talked to you every day for a year. Some people I know don't even get three days of knowing me without knowing I thoroughly enjoy an apple or two. ... Anyway, my love for apples extends past the fruit alone and onto it's flavor. So what I'm really trying to get at here is that I ate an apple dumpling and enjoyed it. I would tell you more, but Fawlty Towers is really distracting.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Nuts and Pardons

Today is National Date Nut Bread Day! I've said many-a-time how few-a-ways there are to tell you to eat food. And frankly, I don't like nuts in bread because they crunchify what should otherwise be a very soft and crumbly texture. Especially when it comes to cakes. Although I guess it is called date-nut bread, not date-nut cake. But I mean who uses it for a sandwich or any other regular bread-like use? We call cinnamon bread a bread, but I never use it for anything but a dessert. Let's face it, if a bread can be called 'rich', 'thick', or 'sweet', it's cake and should be treated as such.

Today is also Pardon Day! This day is a reminder of the day that Nixon was granted a pardon from any affiliation with waters, gates, or any combination that could made of the two. Or something like that. I slept through Modern History. Whatever the case may be, today is a day to both ask for and give pardons to others. Whether they should be or not! Pardons for everyone! However, please note that this does not allow you to do horrible things, then ask for pardons. That's just childish.
Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Detated Capa

Today is National Beheading Day! While I couldn't find any reason as to why today was a holiday dedicated to decapitation, from what I know of what previous holidays I've celebrated, I'd accept the reason of "Why not?" with just as much readiness as I would an explanation from a professor of holidays. Which is a job that I think should exist.


There have been a lot of fairly famous beheadings throughout history. Most have been kings and queens, but there were plenty of not-so-well known ones as well. After all, it was a major, if not gruesome, form of execution back in the day.


Now since I don't own a guillotine (not even one of those miniature ones that cut cigars), I can't truly celebrate the meaning of today. Plus, there would have been a few legal issues to work out had I gone through with it. So, instead, I settled for simple eating gummy bears head first. Although, I suppose I could find a video game or two with some beheadings. Mostly zombie ones... does undead decapitation count?


Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Pop(sicle) Culture

Today is Cherry Popsicle Day! I did what anyone who can read and has a list of holidays would do today, and enjoyed a cherry popsicle. By which I mean I ate one. I was going to say 'ate' in the first place, but you don't really eat a popsicle so much as you just kinda let it melt in your mouth. Or spontaneously and inexplicably combust due to Texan heat.

Anyway, as I was enjoyting (enjoying/eating) it, I thought about two things.
    1) I really wish this was a cherry lollipop instead.
    2) The choice of popsicle flavour can really say a lot about a person.

Maybe not so much when the sun is sending all its radiation through a focused beam towards your city, and people will take ice no matter what flavor it is, but it does when you have the luxury to casually choose. Not too casually, though, some of the people in line are very impatient. Those kind of people are what I picture as "cherry" people. They are simple, yet unmistakably exactly what they are. What I mean by that is: You get what you see. Is the popsicle red? You got cherry. Are they tapping they're foot in line because they knew what they wanted from the start? They're gonna get that cherry popsicle. If the popsicle is pink, it could be strawberry, watermelon, or some weird tropical punch mix.

Speaking of watermelon, that flavor along with grape are usually chosen by well-rounded people. You'll see them moving around the crowd getting involved in every conversation possible. It isn't that they're nosy, they just like every moment to be fresh and new. So they'll sometimes walk away when you thought you were talking with them. Don't hold it against them.

Citrus flavors are the people you'll find talking in a circle. They like the sour taste and the distance from the crowd so they can pass around cynical comments and jokes about everyone at the party. They'll be more than happy to let you throw a few jabs in the wordplay, too. However, be warned: they are much more practiced and will more than probably throw anything you give right back at you. Don't take offense, they mean it all in good fun.

Then you have the oddball flavors. There's one in every box, and there's one person at every gathering that will eat them all. They know no one else likes the flavor or really even understands it, and that's a major factor in their decision. They can enjoy their flavor without worrying about the supply running out any time soon. And they can always use the fact that they eat that flavor as a conversation starter. They also WILL use it as a conversation starter. They'll go into such detail about their past and why they like that flavor, that I might offend them trying to describe it myself.

But whatever your flavor is, enjoy the holiday today.

...But if your flavor isn't cherry, then you haven't officially celebrated.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Sponge + Cake

Today is National Sponge Cake Day! Sponge cake is a delicious kind of cake that tastes really good with strawberries and you should go out and find/eat some.

... I really am trying to keep this interesting, but I am now completely out of ways to tell you to eat something. I just don't have any personal anecdotes about sponge cake. So... yeah.

I mean I work at a bakery so a good chunk of my work is describing what food is to people. It's not even hard food either! People have asked me what's in our peanut butter cookies! It's a peanut butter cookie! UUUUUUGH!!!

It is really good, though. ... Sponge cake, that is.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Radio is Retro

Today is National Radio Day! Radios were invented in the 1800's, and before Video went on a killing spree of many radio stars, it was very popular. Now it is reduced to cars and lobby music. Even then, that's only true if you don't just want to listen to your mp3 player or CD's. I think I'll celebrate radio day by listening to Pandora Radio. Mainly because I hate radio commercials. They try so hard to get the feel of what they're selling out to you that it hurts. Granted, they have to because they can't express it with facial expressions or leaping gestures, but still: tone it down, guys. I also hate talk radio. There's just no way to listen to it and be happy after you're done. So instead, I'll just listen to my Pomplamoose station and eat some pizza. Pizza has nothing to do with National Radio Day... it's just good.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Shifty Thrift

Today is National Thrift-store Day! Now, I'm not the biggest fan of thrift-stores because, quite frankly, they are usually poorly organized, smell funny, and everything seems to have been touched all over by a dirty orangutan with severe and instantaneous shedding problems. I feel similarly about online stores like eBay and Amazon, and I just prefer to get the item from where it's made.

However, there is something that I've had my eye on for quite some time. There is a thrift store near me selling an item that I need for my room: A chair. Not just any chair, though. No, this is a vintage hospital wheelchair. I know what you're thinking: "You just said you hate dirty germ-infested things, why would you want an old wheelchair from an era where disease was less solvable?" My answer is simple: I think it would be cool. I needed a chair with which to sit at my desk, but I also needed to be able to move in it. I have a carpeted room so regular wheels would mean I'd have to get a mat. However, wheelchairs move freely on mats as well as hard floors. Also, I've always wanted to see what being in a wheelchair is like without any of the... well... having to be in one. No offense meant towards my readers in wheelchairs.

This thrift store is quite a way away from me, though, so I may have to wait a few days to actually get it. I have it reserved, though! So that counts as celebrated! Right? Sure it does.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Catching Up

I'm back at home and now that I've caught up on sleep I  can spend as much time and bandwidth as I want telling you about the holidays for the past three days!

August 14th was National Creamsicle Day! The closest I got to celebrating that day was eating ice cream, because finding a creamsicle while staying in a hotel is a lot harder than it sounds.

August 15th was National Relaxation Day! I celebrated this day every spare second I could. Which turned out to be a lot since I had an international flight with an 8-hour layover.

August 15th was also National Failures Day! I also celebrated this day in the form of failing to sleep very much at all. I can't express how happy I am that I failed, but the planes and pilots succeeded.

Finally, today is Bratwurst Festival! I have to say that I'm mildly disappointed in the fact that the day I come back is a food holiday since those are so simple to talk about and celebrate. I will say that a fairly recent story I have about hot dog related things is that even though I spent eight hours in Chicago yesterday, I didn't have a chicago style dog. Why? Because no hot dog is worth eight dollars. Maybe I'll try and get one when I'm not in an airport where the prices are set almost as high as the flight paths.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle