Today Sucks

WAIT! Before you get offended by the title and leave, it's only a pun! See, today is Create-a-Vacuum Day. Get it? So don't leave, guys. ... Thank you.

Create-a-Vacuum Day is fairly simple aside from the hyphens which really throw me off. Wouldn't it mean the same thing without them? That's off-topic, though. Today, you create a vacuum. Now, I'm fairly sure that it doesn't mean you have to go out, buy parts, and tinker around until you have your own version of the dyson vacuums. Instead, I think this is more of a scientific vacuum creation day, which is much cheaper and easier. For those of you that skipped childhood and went straight onto your... oh, we'll say late 30's, creating a vacuum is as easy as owning any kind of cup. That's because all you NEED is a cup. That's right!

Now, take that cup and put in on your mouth. No, ON it not up to it. No, not the side of the cup. No, not the bottom. No... okay start over. Take the cup and surround your lips with the lip of the cup by putting the top part of the cup around your mouth. The lip should be right under your nose, barely touching both cheeks, and on your chin now. To make sure you have it right, speak into the cup and it should sound a little echoey, and if you have it tight enough, you'll not be able to speak due to filling the cup with too much air. Good, but STOP TALKING! Filling the cup with air is exactly what we are working against here. Alright final step: Breath in, sucking all the air out of the cup. It may take several breaths, but you should reach a point where the cup will stay on your face without you even holding it! Now you turn to the person nearest you, tap them on the shoulder, and when they look at you, point at your mouth and grunt happily. They will either try to imitate you, or slap the cup off of your face. Either way, you are going to have a circle on your face for a while. This is how other holiday enthusiasts will recognize you, so wear it proudly! Beginners should start with disposable cups, and eventually you'll be able to work your way up to plastic or even glass for the risk takers.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

iPure

Today is Purification Day, and with the power out, I only got to research so much of it. From what I can tell, it is a day celebrating one of the early moments in Jesus' life. I couldn't find one specific celebration type, but one thing is for sure, most of them involved lighting candles. I am aaaaall for lighting candles on a cold day such as this, and might even just light a fire. I also have been wanting to get rid of all songs in my iTunes that might hinder my efforts to become a better Christian, so I shall do that as well. Hopefully the internet will be back by tomorrow, and I can find out more about the 3rd's holiday.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

No place for a mighty warrior.

Today is National Corn Chip Day: a day to celebrate one of the most addicting snacks in the world! Just so the less food-educated are aware, corn chips and potato chips are NOT the same thing. Corn chips are usually dipped in salsa, cheese, chili, or crushed up and baked into some delicious crunchy mexican recipes. In my opinion, corn chips will reign supreme over potato chips for all time, as they are delicious to eat even alone and without any seasoning because they always taste great. So take some time today to stuff your face with corn chips in celebration of this day dedicated to them.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Where women glow and men plunder.

Today is Australia Day! A day which, as you might have guessed, is celebrated mostly in Australia by australians! An age old tradition that has fairly recently become the largest annual public celebration, it is celebrated with outdoor sports, barbecue, concerts, and general partying around with friends and/or family. It celebrates the day of the arrival of the First Fleet at Sydney Cove in 1788. I can't really think of a way to celebrate this myself, as I don't have a concert on hand today, so I will instead listen to a little Men At Work, and try to cook up some australian dishes. Deviled Carrots, maybe? Sounds interesting.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Grab your comfiest of pajamas.

Because January 3rd is the Festival of Sleep! Today is dedicated to those many hours of sleep you lost last year. To celebrate, you simply sleep. Don't let anyone call you lazy for it, but instead just tell them that they have no holiday spirit. Now, I realize that some people may have work or school today, which will make sleeping tricky. But rest assured there are many different methods of sleep for you to use. Anything above the 8 hours you always get (because that's healthy and you always do what is healthy) can and should be counted as a celebratory sleep session. Nodding off in a boring meeting? Consider each of those head bobs a nod of recognition and remembrance towards an hour of sleep you lost last year. Got a study hall and you have nothing to study? Power nap for the rest of those 45 minutes like you weren't already going to. You could even pay tribute to specific parts of sleep. Do you like the dreams you have? Then day-dream (also called using your imagination) today and discuss what the odd machinations of your inner mind are creating with your fellow dreamers. I'm sure you'll find a way to celebrate, and I'm sure there are many. As for myself, I'll be taking a few cat naps or doing something I like to call "Sleep Zoning"

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Your New Year and You

Well, it's a new-fangled year again, and people everywhere are making resolutions that are more than likely vague and easily "loopholeable". I'm not saying that I am in any way immune to this pattern, but like everyone else, I am also saying "This year will be different!" You see, a few years ago I came across a handy list of holidays. There was at least one holiday listed for every day of the year, and I began simply using it as a conversation starter in such ways as "Did you know today was (insert obscure, question provoking holiday here) day? How do you even celebrate that?" However, after a year of what I can only describe as a down with about two ups, I've decided to make this year a little more exciting.

It took a while for me to find out how, but then it came to me. The list of holidays. I will celebrate every holiday on that list to the best of my ability. Luckily, after I post this post, I will be accountable. If I stop, I lose. However, some holidays are obviously out of my budget or past my ability to fully celebrate, so I may have to come up with my own way to celebrate them, but they WILL be celebrated. What better way to add a little uniqueness and excitement to a possibly boring day? ... Well there is probably plenty better, but this is what I'm doing.

I'v already celebrated one of today's holidays: First Foot Day. At first I thought I'd just find my first footprint and do some kind of artsy-fart activity with it, but then I found out the TRUE meaning of First Foot Day. In summary, during the viking days of old, Scotland had a tradition where a dark haired male being the first to step into your house on new years day was good luck, but a light-haired male or a woman was not. The man would bring coal and salt to wish warmth and flavour for the new year. Having walked into my house at about 1:45 a.m. last night after getting back from a new year's party, I have already celebrated, and luckily, I have darkish hair right now. I DID forget the coal and salt, but I'll just put extra salt on everything I eat today that merits having salt on it.

The OTHER holiday today is "Z Day". Now, I looked this one up, and supposedly it is a day when a class could celebrate by allowing the children with names that begin with "Z" be the first in line for everything, as they never are or will be when it comes to alphabetical order. This is not to be confused with "Zeitgeist Day", which is on March 13th, or the dreaded "Zombie Day" [Date unknown]. However I am out of school, and to my knowledge know only one person who has a "Z" name. They will be the FIRST person I tell "Happy New Years" to, though. As that's all I can really think to do, as I will most likely not see them today.

Now it seems I have gotten off easy for today, but rest assured, it will get more intense. It's always good to have an "ease-in" to such a large commitment, after all. I wouldn't want to rush what could be a beautiful thing.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle