Johnny's Tale

Today is National Tug-Of-War Tournament Day! Uuuuuuuh.... STORY TIME!

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The air was hot and only amplified by the river water dripping from the hair of the participants. This was the moment everyone had been waiting for. Everything other match was merely a warm up. Little Johnny smelled like potatoes from the sack race, and his older sister, Susan, was behind him and she still had red marks on her ankle from the three legged race. Behind Susan was his mother who had no noticeable stains, since she had only participated in the egg-spoon obstacle course. At the back was his dad with feet placed firmly into the ground and a face with a beard almost drenched in cherry syrup from the pie eating contest. He was the anchor. There to make sure the rope never pulled past where he stood. Johnny, Susan, and Mom would be doing most of the pulling.

Across a large puddle of mud that had been created not moments ago stood the opponents. The Trapper family. They had 5 people: Mr. and Mrs. Trapper, Mandie, Jason, and Riley. Mr. Trapper wasn't as big as Johnny's dad, so he wouldn't be as good of an anchor, but they still had extra manpower. Riley could usually be seen alongside Johnny all the time, as they loved each other's company, but today she was his arch nemesis. Looks were exchanged between all of the warriors as Johnny's puppy Max ran back and forth in the mud barking at either side, not knowing what was happening.

Finally, the starting firecracker's fuse ended. As soon as the pop was heard, the rope tightened to an extreme. The cords of the rope were audibly rearranging themselves according to the weight being put on either end. The ribbon in the middle of the rope moved to and fro over the muddy ground as it fluttered in the breeze. Johnny was pulling with all the might his small muscles could. He felt like his training with his mom's two-pound weights that he had been doing the day before really payed off. He heard his dad's feet scratching against the ground and his mom and sister pulling behind him.

His feet started slipping towards the puddle. Impossible! He had put all his effort into winning this year! But wait! He saw that people were readjusting their grip. Even he was guilty of taking such brief moments of respite from the constant burning of the rope. It turned into a game of endurance. He held his grip as tight as he could and yelled for his dad to move back so he could have more space away from the puddle. Slowly, his dad took steps backwards. He put all of his weight (plus a few cherry pies) into pulling what slack there as in the rope to their side. Soon, Johnny saw it. The perfect opening. Mr. Trapper's foot was angled uncomfortably, and he lifted it off the ground to readjust.

Johnny let out the loudest war cry he could possibly muster and pulled as hard as he could. His father joined in and gave the rope a large yank. Riley was pulled in, and soon Jason tripped over her and landed head first in the puddle. From there, it was cake Johnny turned with the rope still in hand and ran away from the puddle. The rest of his family joined him. They soon heard the satisfying splash of their enemies falling into the murky pool. The victory was celebrated with watermelon, hot dogs, and lemonade. Johnny would remember this day forever.

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Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

Apples, Tools, and Cake

Today is Johnny Appleseed Day! Even though he died today, he is celebrated in March because it is planting season. Obviously it would be a little hard to go out and celebrate by planting your own apple trees, selling them to people, preaching sermons, and donation the little money you make to poor all while slowly but surely becoming an American legend. So instead, just try to put a lot of apples into your diet today. Out of all the things that I've asked you to participate in eating all day, this is by far the healthiest! So take advantage of it! Besides, apples are the most versatile of fruits, in my humble opinion. Just think about how many things they have going for them. Really think about it.

Today is also Worship of Tools Day! Why the word 'worship' was chosen, I do not know. It's not a holiday for some weird obscure religion that literal worships garage-dwelling apparatus. No, it's just a day to give tools to people who appreciate them, or maybe just appreciate them yourselves. Most websites claim this to be a "man day" although they usually also said you shouldn't ignore the females who also work with tools. I'm frankly just thankful that the day is talking about the kind of 'tool' that it is.

Today is also my birthday. To celebrate, ask other people "Did you know it's Kyle's birthday today?" and when they ask "Who is Kyle?", then you just point them on over to this blog. That's all I want from you, internet. It's a little greedy, so if you don't like that idea, then get yourself something nice and tell me what you got yourself. If it helps, ask other people to chip in for a gift for me, and then use that money on something for yourself. After all, that's technically kinda what I just asked for as a gift. I accept no responsibility for loud arguments you may or may not have with your close ones after you have done that, though.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle