A nose by any other name...

... would still smell.

Today is Fragrance Day! It's fairly obviously dedicated to the more fragrant things such as flowers, fresh baked sweets, and perfume. Ladies will probably be better at this holiday, so to them I say: Select your favourite perfume/soap/shampoo/over-all scent and wear it proudly today. This next talk is between me and my fellow man, so if you are a lady, feel free to stop reading here.

Okay, guys, I don't know what it is about us, but let's face it: We stink sometimes often a lot of the time and simply don't realize it. Today is a day to not do that. Take a shower, shampoo your hair and repeat the lather like it says to on the bottle. You might even go crazy and condition. It never hurt anybody. Now see that oddly shaped, smooth rock on the side of the wall? Yeah, the one with the carving in it? Yeah that's actually soap and not a decorative statue. You're gonna take that and and put it everywhere on you. Now when you're done with the shower, dry off and put some deodorant on. WHOA STOP RIGHT THERE! I know you started reaching for that body spray. No, use REAL deodorant. The kind that stops smells instead of hoping that a cloud of AXE Phoenix will just cover up anything that happens to your shirt today. I'm talking to you, 8th graders. Feel free to spray a little on, but don't overpower anybody. It helps to not use AXE, too. I'm beginning to think that AXE might mean "Ouch! My nose. Where is the gas leak?" In some ancient language. Their stick deodorant is fine though.

Well, that's about all I can do for ya. Oh don't forget to put clean clothes on. I almost wasn't going to mention clothes since today is Fragrance Day and not Fashionista Day. However, it just occurred to me how comfortable we are with wearing the same clothes for several days. Do not do that. Wear something clean. If you don't have anything clean, then go buy new clothes. And find a local laundromat. Soon. Buy some minty gum, too. Because as it turns out, girls don't like breakfast burrito breath. Who would have thought, right?

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

P.S. Mango is possibly one of the best smells in my opinion.

Down on one tentacle

Today is Proposal Day! It is a day to propose. Plain and simple. Maybe your boyfriend of 17 years has been dragging his feet slightly, you could drop a hint or two today. If you are a male and are planning to propose to the point that you have the ring with you at all times and you are just waiting for the perfect moment, then look VERY hard for an opportunity today in the spirit of the holiday. And I mean come on, what are you waiting for an engraved invitation? How many hints must she drop?

It could also just be a day to propose ideas or activities. It's literally as easy as putting the word 'propose' into the sentence. EX: [Before] "Let's go to a tour of a Wisconsin cheese factory" [After] "I propose we take a tour of a Wisconsin cheese factory". One of my favourite kinds of these proposals was the much prolonged (on purpose in a sense) proposal on The Office.

Today is also The Festival of Extraterrestrial Abductions! I know. Kind of a mood-wrecker. These holidays really don't mesh and it's going to kill me when I try to come up with a semi-witty title for this post that deals with both. Anyways, this is or was a festival where people would gather and celebrate(?) the fact that they had either been abducted or really wanted to be abducted. They make tin foil hats and statues and sell all sorts of things that I'm sure you could also find at places like A'Le'Inn. You can celebrate by wondering if the "Supermoon" was actually an alien mother-ship that may have abducted the people who will think they "missed out on seeing it."

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle

A Fowl Day

Today is Poultry Day! It is a day to celebrate everything poultry. By celebrate, I of course mean: eat. I say that because when you say the word "poultry", there are two things people might think. The first being "Like Shakespearean stuff?", and the second (more accurate) one being "Like from a butcher shop?". That's because live birds are rarely called poultry until they are dead and hanging in the market. So poultry, being dead, has really next to no use as good and tasty as being eaten by us. So cook up anything from chicken to emu and eat it up.

Thanks for reading!
~Kyle